albion_moonlight

It's been happening, short moments, mostly late at night, when I feel like something's waking up inside, and sometimes it feels too much to bear and I'm not sure where it's been or how much it will engulf me, and whether that's not exactly what I've been waiting for secure in the knowledge that it's to come.

And what if I were to tell you that you were part of the reason that it's happening, and I were to stop your thoughts before you try to guess who I am speaking to and tell you YOU you who are reading this right now, that's who. And if you've a mind conditioned to logic you might think no not me, can't mean me can't possibly know WHO is reading this right now, or maybe you might think uh oh does he mean me, and I do. Whoever you are.

And it happens to music, it happens to music a lot. It happened for a moment yesterday evening while I was chipping away at years of paint on my window downstairs and no I dont use speed or any other drugs but there I was chipping away at the window, a window that I could write a book about, how many Christmas mornings by that window? and the television was on and it was Almost Famous and something caught my ear, maybe the music and I turned around and it was the point where she was high on quaaludes in the hotel room and he was holding her up, confessing his love to her and then I was weeping thick heavy tears tracking down through the reconstruction dust on my face and I stood there the forgotten razor in my hand and drew it all in and felt alive, tears dropping heavy off my cheek and choking on laughter at the surprise of feeling SOMETHING.

And it happened again tonight, first with the Wind and then Buckley and Wooden Jesus and my dying dog breathing heavily at my feet and he was so beautiful and again it happened.

And it's been years.

Fuck, I've been dead. For a long time. Really.