Tuesday May 31, 2005

0
Back to work. I don't get bereavement leave for aunts, so I had to smoke 3 days of vacation for the trip to VA. It was worth it, but it would've been nice to get the 3 free days. know what I'm sayin'?

Holy god, my life is barren. I spend every day just vegging - reading, watching the tube, surfin' SG. I can barely remain vertical long enough to do a load of laundry. I haven't shaved in like 2 weeks. feh. I'm feeling no emotion, like some kinda friggin' zombie (without the brain fetish. wtf is up with that, anyway?). But I still feel tears waiting just behind my eyes for the signal to come streaming out.

I felt so effin' good not long ago. Now I'm back to having a poor body image, retreating socially. But I just can't be bothered to care.

Sometimes, I wonder what it'd be like to be some ignorant dumb ass who doesn't give a shit about anything except his immediate surroundings. Doesn't care that he doesn't know fuck all about anything. Happy watching the stupid new sitcom. Doesn't wonder - doesn't care - if he has a purpose, a potential to live up to.

Look at dogs. Dogs aren't really all that bright, at least compared to most humans. All they know is food, sleep, play, dad. And they're the happiest things on the face of the earth. Ignorance is bliss. No wonder I despair. blackeyed
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pearlbutterfly:
I often have the same terrible feelings inside me, except I disagree that dogs aren't bright. They are much brighter than cats, and cats are not often that friendly and excited. I have one of each. I love both, but they have different personalities. It is so good to have a dog if you are depressed though, b/c they love you unconditionally and always are happy to see you no matter what. They never judge you. Well, you have pets, so you know.
Hang in there.
pearlbutterfly:
ok, i would agree more with that. they are lucky not to have to have the knowledge of the world!

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