[originally posted on my blog, 12/23/10: thought I'd share it here...]
Last night I sent out a tweet saying Sometimes I feel very, very alone.
I got a lot of replies to that tweet, which is touching really. There are some people who honestly do care, and for that Im grateful. But I felt the need to clarify with a follow up tweet: Feeling alone doesnt necessarily mean Im sad you guys. It just means Im feeling alone. Because mostly, I am. And ultimately, we all are.
A few people said things like Youre never alone. Just smile!. Though I appreciate the sentiment, that is just simply not true. Jesus doesnt carry me when theres just one set of footprints in the sand. Theres one set of footprints because were walking alone.
Essentially I really am alone. Im 31 years old, unmarried, no kids. Officially single for 3 years now. I have a strained relationship with most of my family and I always have. Honestly, its better off for me with distance between us. I was emancipated when I was 15 years old. On my own = alone. This is nothing new.
Is there something wrong with this? Hell no. It is what it is. I love my alone time. In fact, I love it so much that I really dont go out much anymore. Im weary of new people in my life. I like the way things are and I dont want anyone coming along to mess it up and bring chaos. I do not miss the chaos. Ive gone out of my way to rid my life of a lot of people that used to be fixtures over the past few years. I dont have the patience or the energy to deal with Other Peoples Bull Shit that I used to have. I dont feel the same need to save the lost as I used to. Im too busy saving myself.
Those who have remained are people I can count on. People I dont have to question (much). People who are there for me and give a shit. Im lucky there are so many, really, left since the great purge.
Do I get lonely? Of course I do. Who doesnt? The holidays exacerbate those feelings, when all around my friends who are coupled off make plans with their full families. When they are boarding flights to spend time with the ones who matter the most and Im hanging out in my apartment with my dog the safety sometimes feels a bit too safe. Really though, even those with husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, children, and wonderful families even they get lonely.
It isnt fair to fill the empty spaces with sacharine affirmations. You are never alone. is a lie. Its an unrealistic expectation. We are born alone and we will die alone. That isnt pessimistic, its just true. Its the way it is. Life isnt falling apart, depression isnt setting in. Life is full of valleys and peaks. Its okay to feel like youre an island sometimes.
There is beauty in happiness and love, and there is beauty in loneliness too. Without it, love would seem a little less colorful when it inevitably arrives. Itd be less appreciated, less treasured. There is no darkness without light. There is no light without darkness.
Last night I sent out a tweet saying Sometimes I feel very, very alone.
I got a lot of replies to that tweet, which is touching really. There are some people who honestly do care, and for that Im grateful. But I felt the need to clarify with a follow up tweet: Feeling alone doesnt necessarily mean Im sad you guys. It just means Im feeling alone. Because mostly, I am. And ultimately, we all are.
A few people said things like Youre never alone. Just smile!. Though I appreciate the sentiment, that is just simply not true. Jesus doesnt carry me when theres just one set of footprints in the sand. Theres one set of footprints because were walking alone.
Essentially I really am alone. Im 31 years old, unmarried, no kids. Officially single for 3 years now. I have a strained relationship with most of my family and I always have. Honestly, its better off for me with distance between us. I was emancipated when I was 15 years old. On my own = alone. This is nothing new.
Is there something wrong with this? Hell no. It is what it is. I love my alone time. In fact, I love it so much that I really dont go out much anymore. Im weary of new people in my life. I like the way things are and I dont want anyone coming along to mess it up and bring chaos. I do not miss the chaos. Ive gone out of my way to rid my life of a lot of people that used to be fixtures over the past few years. I dont have the patience or the energy to deal with Other Peoples Bull Shit that I used to have. I dont feel the same need to save the lost as I used to. Im too busy saving myself.
Those who have remained are people I can count on. People I dont have to question (much). People who are there for me and give a shit. Im lucky there are so many, really, left since the great purge.
Do I get lonely? Of course I do. Who doesnt? The holidays exacerbate those feelings, when all around my friends who are coupled off make plans with their full families. When they are boarding flights to spend time with the ones who matter the most and Im hanging out in my apartment with my dog the safety sometimes feels a bit too safe. Really though, even those with husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, children, and wonderful families even they get lonely.
It isnt fair to fill the empty spaces with sacharine affirmations. You are never alone. is a lie. Its an unrealistic expectation. We are born alone and we will die alone. That isnt pessimistic, its just true. Its the way it is. Life isnt falling apart, depression isnt setting in. Life is full of valleys and peaks. Its okay to feel like youre an island sometimes.
There is beauty in happiness and love, and there is beauty in loneliness too. Without it, love would seem a little less colorful when it inevitably arrives. Itd be less appreciated, less treasured. There is no darkness without light. There is no light without darkness.
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Erich Fromm wrote of the need for kindred spirits in his book The Fear of Freedom.
He quotes Balzac in a passage from The Inventors Suffering.
But learn one thing; impress it upon your mind which is still so malleable: man has a horror of aloneness. And of all kinds of aloneness, moral aloneness is the most terrible
The work of Fromm in this book The Fear of Freedom is an attempt to explain our relationship with the wider world, to its cultural pressures and the complex inter relations between self and society. Essential reading I would have thought for anyone interested in why it is we feel that urge to communicate.
You are right, loneliness is natural and to be expected.