All the days are blurring together and I am sure there is no end. Its all poopy diapers and making bottles. Somehow I am still aware that I am Akuma but I feel like an automated mommy robot. I have to start looking for a job in a couple weeks and I am so exhausted I can't imagine coping. I want to check in the nearest hotel BY MYSELF have a bath and just sleep. K, I make it sound worse than it really is. I think its just some weird identity crisis. A fight against conformity and tradition as I see it in my mind. Jarrod is going back to work in a couple of weeks and then I am on my own 
I don't even hear the baby crying throughout the night.
The labour will quite possible be the most miserable experience of my life. It is now official that I am without a doubt a hedonist. When the nurses told me they couldn't give me any more narcotics, I forgot all about drug free labour and went for the premium labour drug Epidural. And everything happened that I was trying to avoid. I had an IV, continous electronic monitoring, a cathader, the threat of a c-section. And while they did the epidural, Jarrod almost passed out
It was sweet the notion to stay by side no matter what. But the epidural was the best part, I slept like I probably won't sleep like again for the next 18 years. I woke up hours later and it was time to push. Then everything sucked again. It felt like my legs were being ripped out of their sockets, the pain in my back was immense like a poisnous dagger was jammed in my back. After an incredibly long hour and a half, I felt a warm woosh. I started to cry because I knew that it was finally over. I looked at Jarrod and he was crying too. I asked him why and he said it was so beautiful. 
It was funny I felt instantly better the second the baby was born. And when I saw the baby all I saw was big blue eyes. I was happy to finally meet baby Loki.
I also made Jarrod promise to buy me shoes whenever I feel the need. And he has, so far.
Mee so tireed. so tired am I.
thanks for all the comments, if loki will let me I'll reply later
I posted a couple pics
I don't even hear the baby crying throughout the night.
The labour will quite possible be the most miserable experience of my life. It is now official that I am without a doubt a hedonist. When the nurses told me they couldn't give me any more narcotics, I forgot all about drug free labour and went for the premium labour drug Epidural. And everything happened that I was trying to avoid. I had an IV, continous electronic monitoring, a cathader, the threat of a c-section. And while they did the epidural, Jarrod almost passed out
It was sweet the notion to stay by side no matter what. But the epidural was the best part, I slept like I probably won't sleep like again for the next 18 years. I woke up hours later and it was time to push. Then everything sucked again. It felt like my legs were being ripped out of their sockets, the pain in my back was immense like a poisnous dagger was jammed in my back. After an incredibly long hour and a half, I felt a warm woosh. I started to cry because I knew that it was finally over. I looked at Jarrod and he was crying too. I asked him why and he said it was so beautiful. It was funny I felt instantly better the second the baby was born. And when I saw the baby all I saw was big blue eyes. I was happy to finally meet baby Loki.
I also made Jarrod promise to buy me shoes whenever I feel the need. And he has, so far.
Mee so tireed. so tired am I.
thanks for all the comments, if loki will let me I'll reply later
I posted a couple pics
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
i didnt have to carry, obviously. but ive been ubiquitous in krissies life since then, and shes got twins, so the most we get to sleep (i stay over there for the night constantly) is about 2-3 hours at a time)
TWINS!!
I still have a few more pictures, however my computer is broken and I cant access any secure sites such as email.
Call me anytime you have a free moment if you want to talk or whatever.
I think about you all each day...unfortunatly, school is far beyond horrible and...ugh. I shant get into it.
As soon as I am sure i have money coming in May, I will come and visit.
Youll get that bath and more.
I couldnt figure out how to zip files, but obviously theres plenty of time for that silly stuff.
Say hello to Jarrod and Loki and kiss his wee hairy head for me.
I miss you.
xo~Athanasia