akiva

when i was 16 i lost my viriginity to my bestfriend/co-worker under the understanding that we were simply friends who cared a great deal about each other but could never have a serious relationship because he was leaving for college. my fear, at the time, was that he would leave for college and we would lose contact and years down the road i would lose my virginity to someone who never cared about me and would only say terrible things about me afterward. it was a very weird thought process, but i still believe it made perfect sense.

of course, during my very first sexual experience, the condom broke. there was obviously no spooning. my partner quickly got up and stood at the end of the bed, panting in anxiety. "what do we do?"

we went to planned parenthood, where i filled out that damn uncomfortable form that included questions like "how long have you been having sex?" "when was the last time you had sex?" and "how many partners have you had?" my partner kept assuring me, "if you're pregnant, i won't move away to college. i'll go to the local school." and i kept thinking, "if i'm pregnant, i'm certainly not going to tell you and ruin both our lives."

thankfully, i didn't get pregnant, although i am still a little weird about sex as a result of the experience.

i still see the boy at least once a week.



i hope things work out for you.

and i would include putting in my contacts to my morning routine if i hadn't run out of them and been too lazy to order new ones.