Today I was sucker punched by a terrible feeling. I want to run away. I don't know where to, and I don't know what I'd do, but I just feel like I want a "do over" in my life. Yes this is standard "quarter-life crisis bitching", but bear with me for a little bit. Or don't , your choice. This is mostly for me anyway.
I feel like my life has peaked and I can't even point out when it happened. In too many ways, my life today and the people and situations I"m involved with are resembling my past. In an eerily uncanny way. My life has officially become a fucking re-run. Or, more to the point, a remake. And not like the Dawn of the Dead remake, but more like the Psycho remake. Scene for scene with different actors.
Whatever. That's not the point.
The point is, I've been thinking a lot about becoming a drifter. Not too seriously, I mean I haven't started to make plans, and I'm too much of a technophile to not have a steady job, but it's one of my recurring fantasies. Just leaving. I feel like I can't really do anything right now. That's not true. But I don't know how to put my feelings into words. Hell of a writer, huh?
Anyway.
I... yeah, I got nothing.
That's not totally true, I've got a lot on my brain and my heart, and my...whatever. I'm just not doing a good job of conveying these "thoughts" and "feelings". So I'll stop now.
I feel like my life has peaked and I can't even point out when it happened. In too many ways, my life today and the people and situations I"m involved with are resembling my past. In an eerily uncanny way. My life has officially become a fucking re-run. Or, more to the point, a remake. And not like the Dawn of the Dead remake, but more like the Psycho remake. Scene for scene with different actors.
Whatever. That's not the point.
The point is, I've been thinking a lot about becoming a drifter. Not too seriously, I mean I haven't started to make plans, and I'm too much of a technophile to not have a steady job, but it's one of my recurring fantasies. Just leaving. I feel like I can't really do anything right now. That's not true. But I don't know how to put my feelings into words. Hell of a writer, huh?
Anyway.
I... yeah, I got nothing.
That's not totally true, I've got a lot on my brain and my heart, and my...whatever. I'm just not doing a good job of conveying these "thoughts" and "feelings". So I'll stop now.
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
Halloween went well...the turnout was only so-so, but it was good seeing friends again!
I can tell you all the stuff you probably already know... it's just a matter of figuring out what you want to do and then figuring out everything that's involved and the steps you need to get there. It's only a headfuck if you try to take in the whole thing at once. Like, if you want to be a brain surgeon, just for the sake of example, then thinking about everything you need to do to reach that last step will make you crazy. Realizing that all you have to do RIGHT NOW is "walk to the computer" as your first step in lookiing for schools in your area helps keep things focussed.
And if you're reading this, you're already AT the computer with a web browser open, so you're actually AHEAD of the game.
Most things in life are way easier than we make them on ourselves. Ruminate on this, grasshopper. I've read a lot of your journals and thought "Wow, that's an unhappy dude." Believe me, I don't blame you, and I've done way more than my share of venting myself. It's healthy. But you can risk becoming too focussed on what you don't dig about your situation, and not enough on what you do. That is, if you took some of the time you were going to spend ruminating on why you're unhappy and spent it doing some of the things that make you happy, you might enjoy yourself a bit more, and you might find that moving in the right direction for you is way easier than you think.
And one of the things that I've learned over my many tumultuous experiences in the past few years is that you have lots and lots of chances to change directions, so don't worry about it too much.
So chill, have some fun, and figure out what you can do next. Then just do it.
And thanks for the kind words about my dad's passing.