I'll come up with a theme for this week eventualy, I'm just not in the mood right now. Also, I know I promised to expound on my choices on my "Desert Island All-Time Top 5 Relationship Movies" list; but, wouldn't you know it, I'm not much in the mood for that that either. I guess that makes me a
Instead, I give you the top 5 songs that describe me. Not the titles mind you, but the lyrics describe how I feel and live, and the music fits my general mood most of the time.
5. "Desperado"-The Eagles (as covered by Johnny Cash)
No it's not the original, and I'm sure I'll lose some points for that, but I really don't care. I have very vague memories of this song from my childhood, the original version of course, and those are memories of my father singing it to me. It was so long ago and I was so young that I'm not 100% sure that these memories are true; what I do know is that this song is one of my favorites on Johnny Cash's American IV: The Man Comes Around. It's such a sad, but noble song about a man who tries to be stoic in the face of whatever comes his way, but is in danger of becoming too hard and bitter. But it is also about taking what you are given and trying to be happy with it, instead of pining for what you can't have. Both are lessons that I feel I need to learn, because I feel myself failing at both.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You been out ridin' fences for so long now
Oh, you're a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin' you
Will hurt you somehow
Don't you draw the queen of diamonds boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet
Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can't get
Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no younger
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home
And freedom, oh freedom well, that's just some people talkin'
Your prison is walking through this world all alone
Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine
It's hard to tell the night time from the day
You're losin' all your highs and lows
Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?
Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you
You better let somebody love you
before it's too late
"If I Was Santa Claus"-Atmosphere
A simple song with a simle melody lifted from a Christmas carol, but it hits so close to home it hurts. As someone who often listens to the problems of others but isn't so quick to burden people with his own, this song cuts right to the heart of my dicotomy. Helping others while ignoring your own troubles. It's not healthy to ignore your problems, no matter the excuses of "nobility" you give yourself or others. This song makes it all perfecty clear.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
And if I was an honest man
I would stop writing songs
I'd break for a nervous breakdown for breakfast
Tell everyone I knew to stay away from making music
It ain't nothing but a confusing mess (confusing mess)
And if I was you, I wouldn't hear a word I said
Wouldn't trust nothing to start it up inside my head
I'd make a conscious effort to live instead
Of trying to kill the monsters that reside underneath the bed
And if I was a hurt man
I'd find a way to put my faith
Into a woman that could take me from today, maybe
I need somebody that could save me
From the parts of myself that keep making me crazy
And if I was a wise man
I'd climb to the top of the mountain peak
To think about strength versus weakness
I'd find a point that rests a couple of feet above your head
And figure out how I could try to help you reach it
And if I did have a choice
I'd never want to live forever
Just let me have a voice so I can make my points
I can't imagine running a race with no finish line
Just let me keep my pace and make to most of my time
I love giving but I'm bad at receiving
The truth is, I'd prefer to be the one bleeding
But I'm a paranoid that stays between play and work
Cautious and aware, 'cause I'm afraid of being hurt
Which brings me to the issue
And that would be this:
How often must I ask myself why I exist?
I feel like a freak, this world is a circus
Just trying to find myself as well as my purpose
3. "The Pain"-MURS
The first tme I heard this song, I felt like someone stalked me and wrote down every thought that ran trhough my head. I honestly feel that way about the whole album, but this song especially made me think about how I feel when dealing with women.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
See I'm a single black male, dark hair, dark eyes
Long walks through a park and a lot of them lives
I'm a little bit shaded by a lot of what I see
So if you're still interested you should come get at me
Cause I'm tired of getting shot down, put down and dissed
I wanna be picked up, held tight and kissed
But things like these don't happen to dudes like me
Because I'm more Coldplay than I am Ice-T
They say that good girls love bad guys and that might be
But a bad girl with a good guy, that's unlikely
So what's a man to do to get to hold hands with you?
Do I talk shit and stand and look hard with my crew?
I don't know what to do, so I drown in my drink
It helps to numb the pain, cause when I sit and think about it
Eyes get clouded, thoughts get crowded (thoughts get clouded)
So I'ma sit right here, wait for you to talk about it
2. "Body Pillow"-Atmosphere
Simply put I have lived this song, almost word for word...twice. I'm hoping I never have to live it again. Now it serves as a reminder, a personal checklist, so that if I ever feel I'm in a situation even remotely close to this song, I will know that continuing would not be healthy.
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
then there was this one night I noticed a tree
that stood by itself about an hour up north
and I could picture her holding on to the limb
wearing a summer dress and a grin, swinging back and forth
talkin' about the breeze, how easy it is
to leave all the worries in the back seat
teach me please, I need the abilities to live
silly me, I tried to measure it by what I can give
but she didn't need anything, just a pair of beers
some strong fingers, and someone to share the tears
read the fear, feeling it, inadequate
now let's make believe that I can handle it
1. "Shoot Frank"- Cage
I've talked about this song much in the past, and always said that it reminded me of myself. But I never said that it also makes me think about what I want to be. The last verse especially inspires much hope in me. In order to know why, it helps to know who Cage is, and what he's lived through. To know that he made it through pain and hell and anguish that most people can only imagine, but that he refuses to give in to his demons, inspires me to no end. This song is the musical embodiment of the meaning behind the first tatto that I'm getting: "You Control Your Life And Your Emotions".
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
If I cannot see what's right in front of me
And the lights on there still wouldn't be enough to leave
I fixed me when I broke the aggression
But I'm still attracted to my beautiful depression
If I felt emotions I learned to suppress 'em
Till I'm ready to sleep I'll have found a place to rest then
No thanks to angst I learned my lesson
And can erase the face that can't answer the questions
