I am really happy lately. Needless to say things are not perfect in my life, but, for some reason, i am for the most part filled with joy. this does not mean i am not socially nervous, occasionally depressed, constantly confused what to do with myself. I am just filled with moments of happiness lately.
Everything is bittersweet. All the things that make me happy may make me sad someday, i worry at when things change or when those things will be gone.
I am so in love. Greg is so beautiful and lovely and a wonderful man. Each tiny expression of his face and each little moment deepens my appreciation. Hah, its run too deep, you can never leave me now fucker.
I am also busting out at the seams with crushes, which can normally be a frustration since they never are and never will be acted upon, but right now that feeling is good. I feel slightly bad about the crushes, just because i have so many, for no reason, and it is so atypical of me to get all flushed feeling like this. Mostly they are people i don't even really know, that i see in passing at the Grocery i work at, or people i don't even know in person, like people on this site. And i feel in love with my real life friends, in a platonic way, but i almost feel "crushes" for them too, if that makes any sense......like they are all beautiful people that continue to surprise me and add things to my life, yet i am aware that i still don't know all of them completely, i am still getting to know some of them, the personalities unfolding in some way or another. They are familiar yet unfamiliar, i feel comfortable sometimes yet other times still shy.
Last night i tried to wash dishes, then i tried to do hand wash laundry, but i am overwhelmed each time....like a phobia, like a total anxiety. so i stopped, i was fidgety and didn't know what to do with myself, laid down on the couch, and drifted in and out of a weird sort of sleep. In the background the muted sounds of Greg on the computer playing World of warcraft, outside, passing cars and drunken people walking by the side of our house, the heater going on and off. The smell of pungent flowers in our house, the faint smell of popcorn coming through the vent that travels through the walls downstairs to the neighbors apartment. At 3 something Greg helped me upstairs to the bedroom......he is so sweet....otherwise i would have just slept on the couch all night......even though i am not a cuddler when i am sleeping he still would rather sleep with me in the bed than without. How thoughtful. Even after three years you still make me all warm and squishy inside man! You should be proud. He still engages me in every way, mentally, passionately....and he still comes to me in my dreams. I would post more pictures of him here if he'd let me, but he is weirded out by even having a few pictures of himself up here, on the internet for so many to see. I want to show him off.
The pungent flowers in the room here are Magnolias, and something else even stronger smelling i can't identify...a vine plant with white flowers that smells exotic and strong, almost like honeysuckle, almost like mock orange......i picked them yesterday on the way home form work. I really love flowers. I would love some tattoos of flowers.....maybe lillies of some sort, and dogwood flowers (the pink or white part really isn't the "flower" it is a sort of modified leaf and the little middle part of the flowers is really a bunch of little flowers), maybe orchids, or irises..............i don't want to be covered in flowers but i would like a few maybe somewhere. I am a sucker for botany, though my lack of understnading of chemistry would probably prevent much success if i were to attempt to study it. Ahh hspring. you are so early in Corvallis this year. Are you just trying to fool me? I already feel "stricken" with Spring fever, ha ha.
A busy weekend ahead i think.
Tonight the cool neighbors are having a birthday party for their new(ish) roommate. The new roommate seems sweet and cute, and i like her i just don't know what to make of her yet. The party should be fun though, a weird crossection of Corvallis demographics......highschoolers, aging barflys, music snobs, goths, punkers......the groups of people that revolve around my neighbors are wide indeed.
Friday i must do laundry if i am not scheduled to work....i can't remember if i am working or not. Then off to Eugene with the awesome neighbor lady to go to a suspension party....i have never witnessed that before, it might be too much for me, but they do have free piercing and tatoo gift certificates as door prizes....booyah!!!
Saturday....craziness.....i think the craft circle is going to be cancelled so we can go up to Portland earlier to bum around and stuff. Go to the Pied Cow and see if they still have the flaming Nutella and Banana crepes, dear god. Maybe see the Pygmy! and then, duhn duhn duhn, NINA HAGEN! I am going to pee myself. So yeah, i am excited for this.
You now know probably more than you ever wanted to about what is going on right now in my head. Cranial vomit is good for me, maybe not so good for you. Anyway, i need to shower and launch headfirst into this glorious day. hope you all have decent ones......and take care!
-Leslie
Everything is bittersweet. All the things that make me happy may make me sad someday, i worry at when things change or when those things will be gone.
I am so in love. Greg is so beautiful and lovely and a wonderful man. Each tiny expression of his face and each little moment deepens my appreciation. Hah, its run too deep, you can never leave me now fucker.
I am also busting out at the seams with crushes, which can normally be a frustration since they never are and never will be acted upon, but right now that feeling is good. I feel slightly bad about the crushes, just because i have so many, for no reason, and it is so atypical of me to get all flushed feeling like this. Mostly they are people i don't even really know, that i see in passing at the Grocery i work at, or people i don't even know in person, like people on this site. And i feel in love with my real life friends, in a platonic way, but i almost feel "crushes" for them too, if that makes any sense......like they are all beautiful people that continue to surprise me and add things to my life, yet i am aware that i still don't know all of them completely, i am still getting to know some of them, the personalities unfolding in some way or another. They are familiar yet unfamiliar, i feel comfortable sometimes yet other times still shy.
Last night i tried to wash dishes, then i tried to do hand wash laundry, but i am overwhelmed each time....like a phobia, like a total anxiety. so i stopped, i was fidgety and didn't know what to do with myself, laid down on the couch, and drifted in and out of a weird sort of sleep. In the background the muted sounds of Greg on the computer playing World of warcraft, outside, passing cars and drunken people walking by the side of our house, the heater going on and off. The smell of pungent flowers in our house, the faint smell of popcorn coming through the vent that travels through the walls downstairs to the neighbors apartment. At 3 something Greg helped me upstairs to the bedroom......he is so sweet....otherwise i would have just slept on the couch all night......even though i am not a cuddler when i am sleeping he still would rather sleep with me in the bed than without. How thoughtful. Even after three years you still make me all warm and squishy inside man! You should be proud. He still engages me in every way, mentally, passionately....and he still comes to me in my dreams. I would post more pictures of him here if he'd let me, but he is weirded out by even having a few pictures of himself up here, on the internet for so many to see. I want to show him off.
The pungent flowers in the room here are Magnolias, and something else even stronger smelling i can't identify...a vine plant with white flowers that smells exotic and strong, almost like honeysuckle, almost like mock orange......i picked them yesterday on the way home form work. I really love flowers. I would love some tattoos of flowers.....maybe lillies of some sort, and dogwood flowers (the pink or white part really isn't the "flower" it is a sort of modified leaf and the little middle part of the flowers is really a bunch of little flowers), maybe orchids, or irises..............i don't want to be covered in flowers but i would like a few maybe somewhere. I am a sucker for botany, though my lack of understnading of chemistry would probably prevent much success if i were to attempt to study it. Ahh hspring. you are so early in Corvallis this year. Are you just trying to fool me? I already feel "stricken" with Spring fever, ha ha.
A busy weekend ahead i think.
Tonight the cool neighbors are having a birthday party for their new(ish) roommate. The new roommate seems sweet and cute, and i like her i just don't know what to make of her yet. The party should be fun though, a weird crossection of Corvallis demographics......highschoolers, aging barflys, music snobs, goths, punkers......the groups of people that revolve around my neighbors are wide indeed.
Friday i must do laundry if i am not scheduled to work....i can't remember if i am working or not. Then off to Eugene with the awesome neighbor lady to go to a suspension party....i have never witnessed that before, it might be too much for me, but they do have free piercing and tatoo gift certificates as door prizes....booyah!!!
Saturday....craziness.....i think the craft circle is going to be cancelled so we can go up to Portland earlier to bum around and stuff. Go to the Pied Cow and see if they still have the flaming Nutella and Banana crepes, dear god. Maybe see the Pygmy! and then, duhn duhn duhn, NINA HAGEN! I am going to pee myself. So yeah, i am excited for this.
You now know probably more than you ever wanted to about what is going on right now in my head. Cranial vomit is good for me, maybe not so good for you. Anyway, i need to shower and launch headfirst into this glorious day. hope you all have decent ones......and take care!
-Leslie
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
i_poop_too_much:
Yea, it's sad that Lego has to make all the cool stuff because the model making companies cant pull their heads out of their asses....
ktsmurf:
OMG, i recognize max! I love her beetle tattoo. I'd be interested in the party, seeing as how i can't figure out what the hell i was originally planning. I need to run around and do some errands first, but i'll give you a call, hopefully no later than 5:30 or so. now i'm off to join some groups. yay slie.