PICTURES:
Such a dork.....
Last night was not so good. Basically i told Greg i think i have a problem with depression and he completely blew me off, said i was acting too tragic, that this is the white middle class cop out everyone takes, that all i had to do was do stuff instead of being lazy. So i told him to fuck off and we barely talked the rest of the night. Before i went to bed i tried to explain to him that i know i have to do stuff but when i try to do things lately it feels like there is no point in even doing them, even with things like crafts and normal stuff like doing dishes and cleaning....that when i try to do them all i want to do is go back to bed. I still don't think he understands at all. He just said "well then just do those things then". How do you explain to someone when you just can't do anything and it is completely unexplainable why? He is so logical and matter of fact that it almsot seems like this feeling i am having is one level of emotional abstraction too much for him to begin to understand. This feeling / state of being has been getting worse and worse lately, and i don't really know what to do....i just don't give a shit about anything and i don't like that about my self right now. I try to "think postitive" or whatever, but i just end up getting bogged down mentally by how stupid things are and how completely bad my has been going and how i'm not making anything of myself and i'm not happy. My life is falling in shambles and i don't care to pick up the pieces.
Well, we aren't arguing anymore but the argument was left on an unfinished note, which doesn't feel particularly good at all, so i am going to work today with the angry juices still sort of swirling in my head. I called my parents last night and asked them if they could help me pay for counseling, because if they can't then there is no way and i mean NO WAY i could afford to go since i am so fucking poor right now, which is partially my own doing.....i should be saving money but somehow i don't even care about that right now. I keep wasting it on things. So my parents haven't called me back yet, i guess we'll see. Ughhhh.
Such a dork.....
Last night was not so good. Basically i told Greg i think i have a problem with depression and he completely blew me off, said i was acting too tragic, that this is the white middle class cop out everyone takes, that all i had to do was do stuff instead of being lazy. So i told him to fuck off and we barely talked the rest of the night. Before i went to bed i tried to explain to him that i know i have to do stuff but when i try to do things lately it feels like there is no point in even doing them, even with things like crafts and normal stuff like doing dishes and cleaning....that when i try to do them all i want to do is go back to bed. I still don't think he understands at all. He just said "well then just do those things then". How do you explain to someone when you just can't do anything and it is completely unexplainable why? He is so logical and matter of fact that it almsot seems like this feeling i am having is one level of emotional abstraction too much for him to begin to understand. This feeling / state of being has been getting worse and worse lately, and i don't really know what to do....i just don't give a shit about anything and i don't like that about my self right now. I try to "think postitive" or whatever, but i just end up getting bogged down mentally by how stupid things are and how completely bad my has been going and how i'm not making anything of myself and i'm not happy. My life is falling in shambles and i don't care to pick up the pieces.
Well, we aren't arguing anymore but the argument was left on an unfinished note, which doesn't feel particularly good at all, so i am going to work today with the angry juices still sort of swirling in my head. I called my parents last night and asked them if they could help me pay for counseling, because if they can't then there is no way and i mean NO WAY i could afford to go since i am so fucking poor right now, which is partially my own doing.....i should be saving money but somehow i don't even care about that right now. I keep wasting it on things. So my parents haven't called me back yet, i guess we'll see. Ughhhh.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
That's pretty obnoxious that greg thinks depression is a cop out. It's a brain thing, not a laziness thing.
I'm one of those lucky people who has never been depressed for more than a week, but I totally sympathize with your situation as my dad, brother, and boyfriend are all on meds and in counseling for depression.
It seems like counseling really helps. I hope your parents agree to pay the bill on that. If not, something else will arise...I'm sending you good vibes!
This year is all consumerism for me!!!