akasha823

Cuddling with my body pillow tonight and I am okay with it..... I am looking forward to a great workout tomorrow with some new running shoes. I just have to get through the workday.

The weekend was busy, but good. At the end of it all, I have to wonder how long I am going to go through the motions of feigning happiness before I am really happy? I mean I know that life, though it can be rough, is actually pretty good for me. But fighting depression for me goes in stages... from wallowing in it to faking joy on a daily basis to sometimes actually feeling good. I know that I could benefit from meds, but I am not keen on side effects which have always plagued me when I used them before. So, I just go through life day-by-day trying to regulate my moods with keeping myself too busy to think about the things that make me unhappy. This is time time of day where it gets to me and I would love to cry it out, but the tears won't come. It's really strange, I actually can't cry without willing the tears to come. I have to make myself upset just to get the relief that comes through shedding tears.

Lame