akasha823

K. So I slept all day and now I am not sleepy. And I should be going to bed if I plan to make it to work tomorrow. Ah well. I could use another day to rest for sure.

Lately, I have been feeling really emotionally fucked up. I am sure that it is all stress. I have ridiculous amounts of stress at work. I hate my job more than I can say. And of course I have been writing about my living situation, which is another huge stressor.

I am just not a happy person anymore because of all this.

I am losing my spirituality which once offered me comfort. I cannot even pray or meditate without being cynical and negative, so I don't do either anymore.

While I am taking the steps I need to make the work situation better, there is no end in sight for the home situation. And the work situation is going to take time to work itself out, unless I find a new job in the meantime.

I just hate feeling the way I do, day in and day out. I feel like I have to put on the happy face and not show the stress and anguish I am feeling. I am getting to the point where I don't want to hide it anymore, but the problem with letting everything out is that it will create chaos. And I don't believe that the chaos is worth letting it all out.

And of course there is the single factor. Most days it is okay, but when I am going through the drama, it would be nice to have somewhere else to go and someone to hold me and be the one thing in my life that isn't fucked up.

-----
Then I feel guilty when I think about the real problems that other people have.