Hey Folks.
Lately I have been questioning my failth... yet again.
For the past 8 months or so I had been going to church religiously (no pun intended). Recently, I have been feeling like I have been faking the happiness and peace. I was reading poetry at an outreach event this past November and it felt forced and fake. I don't write the happy feel good stuff and that is what they wanted.
I want to have unwavering faith in God, but there is so much pain in the world and in my own life that I struglle to believe a loving God would allow it to happen. And then I felt bad because who am I to question the Almighty?
So I I have not been to church since early December and I have not been going to hang out with my friends (which we do weekly) from church because I am just tired of putting on the happy face. I know that they accpet me for who I am, but I don't always want to be the one to rain the parade.
Right now, being back on SG, I remember how much I like being myself- uncensored with no apologies. My uncensored self swears and drinks, but overall is the same person trying to put out good vibes and love in the universe. I just allow myself to dwell in the fog a bit to write out my feelings and heal. The happy poetry just doesn't cut it for me.
Ah well...
How are you all out there?
Lately I have been questioning my failth... yet again.
For the past 8 months or so I had been going to church religiously (no pun intended). Recently, I have been feeling like I have been faking the happiness and peace. I was reading poetry at an outreach event this past November and it felt forced and fake. I don't write the happy feel good stuff and that is what they wanted.
I want to have unwavering faith in God, but there is so much pain in the world and in my own life that I struglle to believe a loving God would allow it to happen. And then I felt bad because who am I to question the Almighty?
So I I have not been to church since early December and I have not been going to hang out with my friends (which we do weekly) from church because I am just tired of putting on the happy face. I know that they accpet me for who I am, but I don't always want to be the one to rain the parade.
Right now, being back on SG, I remember how much I like being myself- uncensored with no apologies. My uncensored self swears and drinks, but overall is the same person trying to put out good vibes and love in the universe. I just allow myself to dwell in the fog a bit to write out my feelings and heal. The happy poetry just doesn't cut it for me.
Ah well...
How are you all out there?
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happy valentines day