aj_paradiselost

three words: pagan biker club? dirty.


-d.

I remember having sex with an artists stick figure doll.

Heh heh heh heh heh.....

i agree about Jacko. i think the accuser is more wacko than jacko is. Moody's are cool but nobody seems to get them anymore. and no one seems to want to admit to listening to them. funny i still see them live every chance i get and for free even. but then being a pal of Grahme Edge does have its privy's

Thank you and Happy Easter! Or as I said as a kid, "Hoppy Easter, Easter Bunny!!!" I was thinking about the Last Supper and how Jesus told his gang to eat and drink him and a strange thought crossed my mind - what if they really did? No body left.... And doing crazy shit like that is enough to make even the most devout cult follower see all manner of crazy shit. I used to think of him resting peacefully in the tomb today. On Good Friday I would be silent from noon until three in the afternoon thinking about the nailing up and the forgiving of the one's who did it and the pain and Longinus and all that.... At three I'd breathe a huge sigh of relief, knowing his body was out of pain. Oh, I did this all on my own. I was a weird kid. Tested holy water for holiness with alka seltzer yet meditated on the horrible death of Jesus for hours.... Go figure.

I agree with everything you said in this post - especially the Moody Blues part.... Oh, and when invited to a bar... well, I'd have to go just out of curiosity!

I'm sure I'll be writing something or other again soon. Eventually, the shit has got to come out.

i go silent and you... what a voice.

drop in anytime. lol.
geminis . . always wishin' they were scorpios . . .

You are gonna make one funky Catholic. Yup, forgiveness is the deal. Oh, and love. Peace. Turning the other cheek. Then again, there are the greed, corruption, politics - and they even have outlines for a "just war" which totally fucks with my Jesus-meter. There isn't a thing in this world that can MAKE you weak. You know that. All I have to say about it is take what's useful and leave the rest - cuz it's all the creation of man and we're not anywhere near perfect. (That goes for any religion, philosophy, anything!) And as always, be you.

cool. wolfs honor is starting to seep in .

lol. how true. i feel like a black metal jam right now i pretty damn buggered myself. see my journal if ya wanna know what some fucktard did to my mom.

i like the pic. it has a sway to it.. it is soft and still sexy as hell.

i wonder what sins you could possibly have to confess. i memorized the act of contrition a couple of years ago for my Gida (grandfather in camel jockey) i mean, i had memorized it years ago... "o' my god i am heartily sorry for having offended thee because of your just punishment, but most of all, because i've offended you, my god, who are all good and deserving of all my love. i resolve, with thy grace, to sin no more and to avoid the near occasion of sin." now, if only i could figure out what a sin really is. is it breaking a rule someone listed as a guideline in a book or is it not living from one's core? is it failing to strive? is it lack of blind faith? fuck. i'm pretty sure i'd count doing intentional harm for no good reason in the sin category - but there are usually reasons. the other thing that buggs me about that little prayer is the emphasis on punishment. shouldn't we seek to sin less and to be "redeemed" solely because it is right? nah, people need threats and rewards. most of 'em anyway.

to truly love humanity, one must be not quite entirely human. i wonder what i am. do i truly love humanity? or do i hate it so much i'll do anything to escape it? even my own humanity.... ok, i'm reminding myself that there is beauty in all things. i have seen it. i remember. i'll stop now.

i lied. have you ever been afraid of yourself? of being you?

thanks for being so kind last night.
we should have met under better circumstances.

oh and mikey did finally make it home... sometime after 3.

hey babe have u read

The da vinci code yet

i think ur like it

wat u up too?x

[Edited on Mar 18, 2005 7:41PM]

Catholicism has many perks - not the least of which are the use of incense and bells during mass! The stained glass does tend to rock and you have to admire the gold chalices and the rich vestments the priests use. Ooh, and perhaps the funniest bonus is the confession of sins. Yup. Once a year in a booth and you're set for heaven baby! Plus they give you a cracker and wine whenever you come in for church. Ok, now I'm wondering why I ever quit... I mean, the Christ on the Cross is one of the most delectably macabre things I can imagine and I got to see it every week! Madness. How could I leave all that? Oh yes, I remember - Dogma.

I did not know that bats were considered a spiritual animal for change. That puts some recent "hallucinations" (visions? I could be a saint!) in a whole new light. I love bats so when ugly, bat-like creatures started attacking me I was confused and kind of pissed. The hissing and the swooping of these three foot shadow creatures is just kind of weird. Maybe, just maybe, they are showing me that I must change. That it is time. Maybe I need to be kind of beat over the head with it. I can be awful stubborn.

You asked about the power he holds.... A very insightful question indeed. Eerily so. Sometimes I just want to squeeze you for actually getting it. For getting me. I'm not going to put this in my journal, but I thought it might answer some of your questions. (And yes, I still need to get back to you - and I will.)

with me
not for me
he came but
but did not claim
simple
he will not take
what he knows he must relinquish
he will take
whatever is offered
simple
so full
almost found
now empty
yes, utterly lost - again
so fucking simple
not the fool
not the hermit
a child could see
not me
simple...

if i don't laugh, i'll die.

thanks for the visit... nice to see fresh face in my journal.

yeah... i'm heavily obsessing over cowgirl boots... I am them , they are me.. MUST HAVE THEM! I'll be sure to take pix of them on my happy feet once I get them!

and you, you, mr. AJ, good decision about the prozac. find your own peace within yourself. sometimes a few puffs off a small joint in a dark room with soft music playing at the end of the day helps... take it easy

yea
i think its april 18th.