aisuryuu

so...Idk...I have been wondering something about myself lately. I dont know i have such an a probably with getting attached to people. Not that i get too attached, but i wont let myself get attached. I dont know what it is. Everytime i seem to be getting close to someone I push them away, or give them a reason to hate me. I couldnt tell u why i'm like this. I am even hate human contact, like i all but cringe when someone touches me, which is so completely weird.
I know one of my problems is i completely abhore myself. which is really sad to say. i just struggle to find anything of value in myself. It's not a lack of confidense, cause thats easy to fake. It's just i really dont see anything about myself that is worth while. and no I'm not just looking for sympathy, or a pat on the head and tell "oh u are great" cause if thats all it took i probably wouldnt be like i am. People say nice things about me all the time, i just think they are full of shit.
I'm just realy struggling to find a reason to even care anymore. Because the more i look at things, there is less and less reason to. My life consists of sleeping and working and hitting the net for a little while each day. and i dont even go online to interact (tho i do). its more something to fill those gaps between work and sleep.
Idk, i just really hope I'm not going into a really bad depression state. I hope this is just a couple day deal and i'll be ok by mid week. w/e I really dont know.

neway here's some music i'm listening to now.

Dance Gavin Dance:Robot With Human Hair pt 2

OMFG! i loooooooove this song (did i just say omfg?!?) *note this isnt really a music video.

Plain White T's:Hey There Delilah

Ok i admit i am such a softy, I am entirely to girly for my own good.

Funeral For A Friend:Streetcar

Gawd I'm so Emo

well thanx all laters.

Ryuu