aislin

I'm putting some red in my hair this week. whoot.

I'm still in pain over the breakup....just when I think the hurt is going away, I realize that I've just been disguising it by hooking up or looking for new people to hook up with...I don't know how to deal with this hurt, though. Using my logic and reason doesn't make it go away. Maybe I wasn't happy much. Maybe we weren't right for each other. And I know I fucked up and deserve to be alone. But I fucking love him and to have him gone like this just hurts so much. All the logic in the world doesn't take that pain out of my chest. And I don't know how to get rid of it.

The big Halloween party this Friday....I want to be "Venus In Furs" but I have no fur...I'll have to say no to sleep and yes to spending $$$ if I want this to work out. Maybe I'll just be a femme fatale. I love that term. I'm doing one of my final projects on that archetype.

Enough of this. Happiness will come. This was a down day, though.