Sunday Sep 26, 2004

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I update a lot, but I guess that's just because I never have the chance to talk to people in person about what's going on. This is a long post, and it's basically going to be everything that's bothering me or that I've been thinking about. If you don't want to read it, don't.

I spent all day inside today except when I went to my car to look for Beth's debit card, and later when I went to Beth and Jamey's for dinner.

I am stressed out. I am depressed. I haven't felt like this since my junior year of high school - when I used to cut. Part of me really wants that back. I felt something when I did that. Since then I haven't needed it, but lately I really just want to hack into myself with an x-acto knife and watch something drain out of me - there's something in me to drain. And while I know that right now I'm not going to do anything beyond that, I can't say the thought hasn't crossed my mind.

I've also been finding something damn romantic about drugs lately. Which is pathetic, but recently, I just want to hide in them. Snorting last night was a rush, and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

I am usually so sick of people telling me they're depressed, but right now I can't think about anything else. And it's really all a lack of self-esteem.

Ahh. Packers lost again.

I'm sick of writing this now.
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
shawna:
*has nothing to say encouraging or discouraging that doesn't sound trite and hippocritical, but wants to show support for your struggle*

Rock on, girl. Don't let the man get you down.
Cutting is a coping mechanism to stress-- learn how to deal with stress, or get rid of the stress, and the cutting should go away. Don't just not cut because someone told you not to. Not cut because you don't need to anymore.

And for my sake, Katie, don't snort anything. Snorting is so disgusting, and it can lead to a lot of problems.

So, if you're going to drugs you should know (paraphrased from James Henslin's Social Problems, 6th edition, chapter 4):

--Nicotine and alcohol are worse than pot, but there isn't a social stigma around them.

---Marijuana became illegal when, during the Great Depression, Mexican workers were taking the jobs from their white counterparts. By outlawing marijuana, it forced the Mexican growers/users into the penal system or back to Mexico, thus allowing American workers to take their place.

---The two worst drugs in our society as far as abuse and addiction are caffiene and cocaine (both powder and crack).

---The worst two stimulants as far a health concerns go, are Anphetamines and Barbituates.

Moral: NEVER EVER EVER snort anything, especially Ritalin, which is classified as an amphetamine!

Remember, Marijuana is the good drug. smile

And you best be respectin me for all the work I put into this comment, even if you dont believe me.
akirali:

Cutting is a coping mechanism to stress-- learn how to deal with stress, or get rid of the stress, and the cutting should go away. Don't just not cut because someone told you not to. Not cut because you don't need to anymore



Moral: NEVER EVER EVER snort anything, especially Ritalin, which is classified as an amphetamine



I know you probably never thought I'd say this, but I agree with Shawna

[Edited on Sep 28, 2004 3:10PM]

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