aidan

I still can't seem to shake this insomnia of doom I've been having lately. It happens every time I get hurt, but it seems to be lasting longer than usual this time, and feels strangely different for some reason. I dunno, maybe it's because I haven't been working in so long, and for the first few weeks I slept a lot because my accident happened at roughly the same time and I was just so doped up on pills that all I did was sleep. Now maybe I just have too much time to think about everything. I've been observing people a lot when I go out lately, and I'm realizing how disappointing most people are, and then I start to miss the things I used to have. It was probably the only chance I'll have at having something good, and somehow I still managed to blow it. Sometimes I think some people are just made to be alone, which is often how I feel about myself. It has always seemed to come more naturally. I try so hard to be a good boyfriend person thing, but I'm 28 and still can't figure it out. I think it's inevitable. I'm starting to get used to being alone again, though. Before long I will probably be completely shut down emotionally again and won't even worry about it. Not to say I want that to happen, but I think the only chance of avoiding it is if some amazing person just so happens to come along, which I don't see happening any time soon.

I start work again tomorrow. Or, I guess today. After having so much time off, I really don't want to go back. I'm kinda dreading it. I guess it'll keep me distracted though, so maybe it'll help keep my mind off things. Speaking of, I should really try to sleep. Also, my cat seems to be dying for attention. I should pet her fluffy face. Goodnight all.