aidan

I have an appointment at 9am to get my stitches out, and wouldn't you know it, I can't sleep. I'm sipping on a glass of wine in hopes that it makes me sleepy. Feels good to be able to drink again. My cat is sleeping in the desk, as usual. I took a picture of that the other day. Commence the "awwwws"!



It's been a month now since my little accident. I still can't really use my right hand yet, and therefore still have not returned to work. I'm definitely liking the time off. I just wish I could do more to enjoy it. Having been broken up with just a day or two before my accident, I spend most of my time alone. I haven't started hurting over it any less. Strange, I typically get over these things in two to three weeks. I guess it's just different this time. I've never thought of anyone as a person I could end up with. I mean like, permanently. That's how it was with this person, though, so it's kind of a big deal to me. I thought she felt the same way. Things were going great, even up to the last time we saw each other, so I didn't see it coming. It happened so suddenly, and without missing a beat, she was already seeing someone new. Still is, in fact. I can't help but feel abandoned. Replaced. Stuff like that. I always seem to be more into the person than they are to me. It sucks.

I usually do pretty well on my own. I've been single most of my life, and that's typically how I prefer it. Although I've spent the majority of my life alone, I'm not used to feeling lonely. I suppose it was just a matter of time before someone came along and changed my perspective on that. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I feel lonely because I have no one. I'm still not someone who needs a person to be some sort of void-filler, and for fuck's sake I hope I never turn into that. It's more that I feel lonely because I don't have this one person in particular. It is what it is, though, and will probably never be anything more. I was silly to think that someone I want to keep around might actually want to stay around. I'm trying to get back to being my old self where I enjoy being single. I'm not sure how long that's going to take, considering how I still feel after a month, but when I get there, there's no turning back. Ever. Ok, maybe not "ever", but at least a few years.

I feel myself shutting down again. Eh, that's not a good sign. Looks like little ol' emotionless me is coming before the happy-to-be-single me comes. I was trying to avoid that, but I fear it may be too late. We'll see I guess. I'm going to try and sleep now.