aidan

Heartbreak is something I honestly didn't think I would have to experience again, but suddenly here it is, making its full appearance. Everything is just so overwhelming right now. I'm in constant pain, physically and emotionally. I hate that I have no use of my right hand. I hate that I do everything I can to make relationships work, and still get dropped without ever doing anything wrong. I have a long road ahead of me, and I have no idea where it leads, but it sure as fuck better be worth it in the end. I have so much to deal with along the way. So much to get through. A lot to figure out. All by myself, too. I've never felt so alone in my life.

I think once my injury heals, it'll be easier for me to start bettering myself, and to start fixing those blasted emotional wounds. I worry, though. Getting hurt emotionally tends to lead to me shutting down, and becoming afraid to be happy again. When that happens, it takes me a very long time to get to myself again, and I think that is because when I feel like myself, I have no walls up and am at my most vulnerable, and that's the point I get hurt every time. The happy me is my favorite me, but everything that follows makes me afraid to be happy. Stupid, I know, but I'm 28 freaking years old and it still happens over and over. Most people my age are way passed that by now. Makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with me.

Fuck, I'm tired of typing with just my left hand. I would go jerk off to all the lovely photos on this site, but it turns out I can't get myself off with my left hand, either. A man who cannot cum is a frustrated man, indeed.

Drat.