Monday Jan 11, 2010

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Yet another blow to me,another strike to bring me further down.So it does seem that I will be homeless soon,though I wonder the meaning of al this and the labels of adoptive parents to cre and think outside the box.But today my mother calls to tell me my cousin was looking for me and he wanted me to work with him in the industrial factory,good news you might think well as we spoke she told me I couldn't return back to stay with her because her husband isn't working and doesn't want me over there.Well that means I can't go stay with my biological mother,and as I told my Father(the man whom took me in as his own)he told me it wasn't his problem I couldn't stay with her,and as I tried to talk to him about me staying here and paying rent and gas to work,he walked away.But as I was talkign with his wife(my adoptive mother)she was jsut sying how my real mother should let me come home cause if she didn't she would be a shity mother,and how they aren't responsible for what happens to me,that my mother is,yet they are the ones who adopted me.So basially they are throwing me away in time.I have no other family,none that gives a damn about me.Funny though,with the life I live as i na spiritual leader and artist,one whom is selfless and so forth you'd exspect that I would have so many whom I have to turn to,yet sadly I have no one,few friends and mainly those I deal with buisness wise,sick as I am I can't even pick up the ink to draw,and also I am fightig to keep things straight within.I just dont know anymore,seriously I never speak like this but it's truth that maybe this is my fall.They say they love me,and care so much for me but when I am sick they want to throw me off,so they wont have to deal with the problems,wow,good parents,don't you think.But I can't argue or say nohing to change what is,I am used to misery,used to the suffering that is the human stain of reason.Her last remark was you have friends,what friends,hell half of them only come to me when they need something and the others,are scarce when they are all away.So I have none.I seem to be depleted in the mind and I feel in my heart to just walk away,I want to give up,hell I sound so pathetic right now tis not well,enough said on this matter,I know people don't even read my shit anyway,so what's the point of writing?I don't know......
lucine:
Ohh hun i hope you get things straightend out soon...remember it cant rain all the time.
seth_:
Wow, that's tough. Really tough. Such disappointment and I can only imagine the range of feelings from hearing and getting this from people who are supposed to unconditionally love.

Know that your parents' actions, all of them, is all from them. Each of them are people with their flaws, and I don't know them, but I know what is coming out from them is their own issues. That's not all about you. It's unfortunate and doesn't necessarily help your situation right now, but don't turn this into something else or more about you because it's not.

Since you only can manage yourself and take action there, now is the time to rally up some inner strength and find some inspiration that you can be empowered by. Perhaps this sickness is being exacerbated by these relationships and what's happening, so focus on just getting you better and cutting that outside sickness out. Whatever there is to do will come, you just need to focus on getting yourself prepared for that and not getting pulled down in negativity.

I know it's hard. But you know what? This will pass and how you come out on the other side is your choice.

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