As the new year comes in and the old gone I sit here reflecting on al lthe things that has come to stand in the past,though it may be over the memoeries linger and remain fresh from each interverse of me beign around so many bright and dark spirits that walk this earth,and I am glad that I am here.Though I am restless and I am noticing that I am getting a bit sicker,I move on for much is to handle and deal out with.It's been a while since I have had time to sit and write what is my verse,and it's getting difficult to do these days.
But in ther verses that I am able to let flow I have noticed a chaange in me,a big change in my behavior,in my thoughts,and emotions,I am scared to be exact not for my health,not for what is to come,but what I have become,I am afraid because I feel in my spirit,in my heart that I have been defeated,I know that it's a rational thing to even speak of but I feel it,So much weight on my shoulders have pulled and has ripped a drive in me,from family,to spirit,I am just tired,worn out to a level I have not known in a long while,a long long while.I am afraid neverless I am trying to connect myself again,I am a wounded healer,and thoguh those that I speak with may see otherwise I know myslef well,but not there are things I don't know,my mind is clouded,and I have been in days without thought,memory,of heart,I am jsut not here anymore,and that itself strikes a fear in me,These days to pass I have kept my mind trying to reconnect within me,I am just in a skock of words to express what it is that flows this way.I have moved to my Father's to spend time with my brother,and though he is left,my Father told em I had to go back to my Mothers'.When I am over here I do well for I am around people,around my nieces,my family,and I am active,but if I go back to my Mothers' I will fall again within that darkness she brings,I want to plea to stay but I know what his response will be.I just hope that I can stay,I don't think I can honestly go down further,if I do I know what will become of the sanity and spirit.
I am trying to recover,I am trying hard to with little things but it's difficult when your so low on the essence that is a part of you.But I am going forward into th unknown,something I am used to,but this is different cause in honest truth I fight for my life,I fight for others,but right now it's hard for me to even get out of my bed,but I do so with te perception of hope,Ijsut want to give up,fall on the floor and just drift,but I cannot not now,and not like this,I am just worn out over the level I am used to,It's difficult cause I've lost two people this year that were close,were dear to me and assisted me when I needed help,my mentor and Shaman,and my old Friend.Tis hard but the advice I once had lingers in me with both voices pushing me.I am in darkness but I have a select few friends who have been the light for me.But without they're voices I would not be here now,I am sad to see myself this way, to see that I am not that light I have been,and to see me drifting deeper in that silence,my voice isn't even heard anymore,I just feel that I am a lost memory,without verse,without thought,without memory.I have failed so many and most myself,I do apologize sincerely.
But in ther verses that I am able to let flow I have noticed a chaange in me,a big change in my behavior,in my thoughts,and emotions,I am scared to be exact not for my health,not for what is to come,but what I have become,I am afraid because I feel in my spirit,in my heart that I have been defeated,I know that it's a rational thing to even speak of but I feel it,So much weight on my shoulders have pulled and has ripped a drive in me,from family,to spirit,I am just tired,worn out to a level I have not known in a long while,a long long while.I am afraid neverless I am trying to connect myself again,I am a wounded healer,and thoguh those that I speak with may see otherwise I know myslef well,but not there are things I don't know,my mind is clouded,and I have been in days without thought,memory,of heart,I am jsut not here anymore,and that itself strikes a fear in me,These days to pass I have kept my mind trying to reconnect within me,I am just in a skock of words to express what it is that flows this way.I have moved to my Father's to spend time with my brother,and though he is left,my Father told em I had to go back to my Mothers'.When I am over here I do well for I am around people,around my nieces,my family,and I am active,but if I go back to my Mothers' I will fall again within that darkness she brings,I want to plea to stay but I know what his response will be.I just hope that I can stay,I don't think I can honestly go down further,if I do I know what will become of the sanity and spirit.
I am trying to recover,I am trying hard to with little things but it's difficult when your so low on the essence that is a part of you.But I am going forward into th unknown,something I am used to,but this is different cause in honest truth I fight for my life,I fight for others,but right now it's hard for me to even get out of my bed,but I do so with te perception of hope,Ijsut want to give up,fall on the floor and just drift,but I cannot not now,and not like this,I am just worn out over the level I am used to,It's difficult cause I've lost two people this year that were close,were dear to me and assisted me when I needed help,my mentor and Shaman,and my old Friend.Tis hard but the advice I once had lingers in me with both voices pushing me.I am in darkness but I have a select few friends who have been the light for me.But without they're voices I would not be here now,I am sad to see myself this way, to see that I am not that light I have been,and to see me drifting deeper in that silence,my voice isn't even heard anymore,I just feel that I am a lost memory,without verse,without thought,without memory.I have failed so many and most myself,I do apologize sincerely.
heartbaker:
