agonistes_vental

I feel like crying in all truth,I am so damn tired of thinking as I have been.I am in a deep hole attempting to crawl from this hellish darkness that is given to me.I am tired,truly tired.In reflections of all I am and do for people,I give and give,I willinly hand over so much of my time,patience,love,care,and compassion to those that are in need.I wipe away tears,calm spirit,and put all to rest with care and love,but the few times I lie in need I am rejected,I am thrown upon the cold soil as a child in pain I sit trying to gather thought,virtue ,and will to slowly drag on with doing as I always have devoting my time,my life,and thought,passion,and care to helping those in need.I take so much pain from life,I give so much love,and even when I am weak,even when I am tired,beaten,and most of al bloddy,I fight on to help those who are in need.Those who are lost and need a voice,faith,and care.But I complain not of this for I do all with honor,with a pure love for life and humanity and earth.It's what I do forever the healer's creed to bo one's best.But as I walk in so many other's shoes I take much in from each person and as this happens even I am bound to grow weak and tired,to take that pain of life away and hurt it gets to me and thus making me a wounded healer.I am so tired my loves,I need rest but I cannot.
This time of need is rare for I always take care of myself and what must be done,yet as I have returned to the very place that once was my prison and hell,as I returned once again to care for my mother,the very person who was the very creater of the monster I once was,the very persoin who took my innocence and humanity for me,I've forgiven these actions and returned three months ago to tend to her as she was sick and need of care,I moved away from my last job in South Carolina,quit it all to care for a woman who resents me,who denies me,and most of all takes so much away,I fight that hurt and keep strong as I help her,for years of the hell she once gave me abuse,pain and suffering one should not endure,for all the tears,and blood shed life has come to haunt her,she gave up on life long ago,homebound and reckless with sickness of indulgance with many items,she is dying and sadly I watch her with riddance and care.It's hard true for the longer I stay with her and assist her she slowly feeds off me and brings the lightwithin me to a slow burn,thus I am tired and weak,as I gave up so much to come and care for her I denied myself,for as she is better I am stuck with her,for my brother is in need,he has returned from his thrid term in Iraq,plagued with horrors and hurt from all the war has brought he has requested me to assist him,calm him and restore faith,and humanity in his burdened heart.I ache to go to my only brother one taken from me long ago from war and also youth.No job here for me to go to him,no art selling,and little money to get a bus ticket to go to him.I am saddened from this all for all I have is money I cant get,money I loaned to a friend to assist her in her time of need and thus she denied me it back and well I am stuck,and as the dayts go by I am getting lost within myself so helplessly stuck in this hole.I am tired and need of a vent.Sadly none will listen as usual so I am left with my art,and music all I really have.