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agonistes_vental

Orlando Fl

Member Since 2009

Followers 191 Following 197

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Wednesday Jul 22, 2009

Jul 22, 2009
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Last night was wonderous my body at ease from the many pains that plague it.I was calm and happy for what I fewlt was beauty,what I knew was salvation,and peace.I never sleep at night for I am prone to horrid visions and thus I remain awake to fend off the primal nightmares.But last night I grew to desire slumber,to desire the sweet taste of dream.I remember I layed my weary head upon my soft pillow and drifted into a worlds of thought and knowledge.I slept so well.I was finally at ease and the warmth of the New Moon caressed me and took me and let me sway into the everfields of green and nature.I haven't slept so soundly in a long time.
I awoke to ease and I was so alive but that soon ended as I've again tapped into my surroundings,I've tasted the fruit of sorrow and pain close to me.I lay here on this bed cold,alone,and tired.I know the feelings wel but this is more than that.More stronger than most.I sense it's at my own heart's grief to give me such unpleasant feeling.But no matter what I will continue to feel this to understand its calling.To feel pain as a daily reminder that even I am human,even I feel.But it's a ritual that must be taken and given at dire situations.
My words tremble and flow in shadows and many are lyrical and lost like the blind man's touch.I still give hope of knowing my own area if life.I sit here a wounded healer but no matter the cause I refuse to deny what is my emotions.Just so many things are in light,so many views,images,feelings,and memories.I do hate it when I turn for the shadows.
Today my mind is consumed with thoughts of sadness of the very factor that I live my life devoted to ther calling of Spirit.The fact that I've become a dream in the wind,more than most I walk for humanity,I walk to redemn and save,but still as i may do good I am still sad at the verdict that I walk alone.There are so many who share my call,so many who devote and press against beliefs to help those in need,so many.But as I walk for the healers path even I need to be healed for my wounds are visible.They sit and wait patiently to be seen,to be felt and mended,My heart's the main focus of all my pain.I press against the void to still believe in all I am and will eternally be,but as everyday drifts on at the end as the evening sets into play I sit evermore alone to watch the crimson sky fall to give way to another beginning.I am alone,compassionate,loving,and caring I am and still as I know my terms of who I am,that I am a damn good man,still I seem to lack some sense.I do hate these thoughts.
I've devoted my life to two callings one spiritual yes,but the other for more personal settings.As a child I bathed in blood and cruelty,I walked with hatred and was consumned by it but a dream faultered to me to be more than those who abused,more than those who broke,used,and played with the hearts guide.Never to be that black stain of the hearts guild but to be the patch that calms and caresses.To be the loving and compassionate,accepting,and understanding.To walk for a cause of mending hearts,to love in ever sense and way.Yet I am prod of who I am and what makes me imperfect and beautiful,yet as each minute passes I long with so many years that makes me the bearer of knowledge for one to hear my call,for someone to see all that I am and embrace me.To be able to feel again with this beating heart.I dream,I cry,and bleed for that wish.To be able to love with all I am and stand for to be devoted,and true.The romantic I am flows thru my veins,it's the very essence of my compassion,yet I live without that person.I wish to be heard ,for I do not ask for much only to be,understood.I love this world in most senses but even I Corey Pridorium fall to sadness.It reminds me that I am human.How beautifully it is that even I can burn.Much love and care frown

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