Arguments I have had with my Father.
1. Geneology
(I may have mispelt that. I don't care, and neither should you)
My dad spent a lot of time researching his family tree. I paid as little attention as was possible, despite my dad trying to tell me all about it.
The argument ran along these basic lines.
Dad "Here, look at this, this is quite interesting*."
Paul "I don't care man."
Dad "No no, really, see, this woman here was born..."
Paul "No! No! No! I'm not listening! No! No! No! Arrrrrrrrrrrghhh! No No No! No! I don't care! It's Bollocks! No!"
* Interesting My father finds it interesting that he can look back through his family tree and see an unbroken line of ancestors stretching back through history.
I find pretty! girls with tattoos interesting. Observe the seeds of our inevitable conflict
My aggressive disinterest may seem churlish, but it has good cause.
On my mother's side, I am descended from a mongrel collection of cockney villains and misfits, a hybrid brew of the various different ethnicities and nationalities that arrived in the East End throughout the ages - before quickly realising that the East End is a shithole, and always will be - and doing their very best to leave.
Dad is descended from a line of Norfolk dirt farmers, who spent their years in a flat land, leading flat lives. I knew that any further knowledge of this side of my heritage would only depress the hell out of me.
However, Dad would not be dissuaded. Allow me to present to you some of the editted highlights.
1. Geneology
(I may have mispelt that. I don't care, and neither should you)
My dad spent a lot of time researching his family tree. I paid as little attention as was possible, despite my dad trying to tell me all about it.
The argument ran along these basic lines.
Dad "Here, look at this, this is quite interesting*."
Paul "I don't care man."
Dad "No no, really, see, this woman here was born..."
Paul "No! No! No! I'm not listening! No! No! No! Arrrrrrrrrrrghhh! No No No! No! I don't care! It's Bollocks! No!"
* Interesting My father finds it interesting that he can look back through his family tree and see an unbroken line of ancestors stretching back through history.
I find pretty! girls with tattoos interesting. Observe the seeds of our inevitable conflict
My aggressive disinterest may seem churlish, but it has good cause.
On my mother's side, I am descended from a mongrel collection of cockney villains and misfits, a hybrid brew of the various different ethnicities and nationalities that arrived in the East End throughout the ages - before quickly realising that the East End is a shithole, and always will be - and doing their very best to leave.
Dad is descended from a line of Norfolk dirt farmers, who spent their years in a flat land, leading flat lives. I knew that any further knowledge of this side of my heritage would only depress the hell out of me.
However, Dad would not be dissuaded. Allow me to present to you some of the editted highlights.
- The most popular name THROUGHOUT HISTORY of the Black clan is John, closely followed by Michael. Sometimes, due to the shockingly high infant mortality rates of past ages, they'd call the next child the same name of the last one who'd kicked it in infancy. Cheap bastards.
- One of my direct descendents died in the same room she was born in. Obviously where I inherited my motivation from.
- One of the real go getters of the family managed to move to the other end of the village he was born in before he died. God Damn. What an example to live up to.
I can't express in simple words how glad I am that I take after my mother.
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I hope you enjoy the book. It's good in parts.