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agcu

Clinton, Missouri

Member Since 2006

Followers 16 Following 21

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Tuesday Jan 30, 2007

Jan 30, 2007
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How Best To Kill A Zombie

So, I was sitting outside my Honors Seminar about Buddhism yesterday with the rest of the class waiting for the professor to show up and unlock the door for us when two of the guys began arguing about the best way to kill a zombie. It all started when one of them, we'll call him "Fred", saw that the other guy, we'll call him "Bob", had a book with him called the "Zombie Survival Guide". So Fred said that having a regular gun was sufficient because you just had to shoot them for them to die. Then Bob shot back that it had to be a certain type of gun and that you had to destroy the brain in order to kill it. Fred then pointed out that one shot should kill it like in all of the movies. This is where it got interesting, because then Bob says "That's ridiculous!!!! Those are just movies! This is Real Life!!!!". Then he goes on to explain hiding out in a fortress of some sort (where the fuck you're going to get a fortress when zombies attack is completely beyond me) to shoot them from. Fred of course fires back that you would then be surrounded and have no way to get out, therefore, it would be better to have no fortress. Then Bob asks how he would recommend getting away and Fred replies "a car". Apparently this was blasphemy in it's most severe zombie-related form because Bob then exclaims "THAT'S A TERRIBLE IDEA!!!!! Cars are too loud and would attract zombies for MILES!!!!". Fred then points out that if he were in a fortress he couldn't get out at all then other than by use of a helicopter, which Bob responds is an even worse idea because it would eventually run out of gas, crash, and then you'd be eaten by zombies. Now Fred finally moves on to the question of "how do you know when zombies are going to attack?". Bob says that there are "signs" noted in the book, among them being strange killings, killings being kept out of the media, etc. Of course, Fred, jumps in by noting the fact that all of these things are already happening, so where are the zombies? And why doesn't Bob have a gun with him since he's so worried about it? So the professor finally shows up and lets us into the classroom where the argument continues. Finally, Fred says that eventually your guns would run out of ammo and Bob then declares that then you'd have to resort to things like hatchets and other weapons. Fred points out that you would eventually run out of these things and be eaten by zombies anyway so what's the point of even fighting it? He then goes on to state that he supposes the only really good way of being protected from a zombie attack is to be a vampire. Bob completely blows up at this with "WHAT??!!!!! THAT'S JUST RIDICULOUS!!!! THAT JUST DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE!!!! VAMPIRES!!!!! THIS IS REALITY WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HERE, YOU'RE JUST TALKING ABOUT FANTASTY!!!!!". Finally the argument ends after about 10 minutes of listening to the two of them bickering and I'm choking on my tears with laughter trying my hardest to figure out why this was such an Important Thing to fight about. I mean honestly, this is an HONORS class we're talking about, and we're arguing about ZOMBIES? And not only arguing about them, but referring to them being a part of REALITY????? Did I miss something???!!! I don't know, but it was entirely too hilarious not to blog about and I wanted to see what everyone else's thoughts were on it. Hopefully if I have time later tonight I'll eventually get around to blogging with those pics of my rock and roll sculpture.

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