agata

Im bored...So, in my wisdom I have compiled a list of things that you should look out for and where possible, avoid:


anal rape
quicksand
body lice
evil spirits
gridlock
acid rain
continental drift
labor violence
flash floods
rabies
torture
bad luck
calcium deficiency
falling rocks
cattle stampedes
bank failure
evil neighbors
killer bees
organ rejection
lynching
toxic waste
unstable dynamite
religious fanatics
prickly heat
price fixing
moral decay
hotel fires
loss of face
stink bombs
bubonic plague
neo-Nazis
friction (where applicible)
cereal weevils
failure of will
chain reactions
soil erosion
mail fraud
dry rot
voodoo curses
broken glass
snake bites
parasites
public ridicule
faithless friends
random violence
breach of contract
family scandals
charlatans
transverse militias
structural defects
race riots
sun spots
rogue elephants
wax buildup
killer frost
jealous coworkers
root canals
mental fatigue
corporal punishment
sneak attacks
peer pressure
vigilantes
birth defects
false advertising
ungrateful children
financial ruin
mildew
loss of priveleges
bad drugs
ill-fitting shoes
widespread chaos
stray bullets
runaway trains
chemical spills
locusts
airline food
shipwrecks
prowlers
bathtub accidents
faulty merchandise
terrorism
discrimination
wrongful cremation
carbon deposits
beef tapeworms
taxation without representation
escaped maniacs
sunburn
abandonment
threatening letters
entropy
nine-mile fever
poor workmanship
absentee landlord
solitary confinement
depletion of the ozone layer
unworthiness
intestinal bleeding
defrocked priests
loss of equilibrium
disgruntled employees
global warming
card sharks
poisoned meat
nuclear accidents
broken promises
contamination of the water supply
obscene phone calls
nuclear winter
wayward girls
mutual assured destruction
rampaging moose
the greenhouse effect
Dutch elm disease
contraction of the universe
paper cuts
eternal damnation
the wrath of God



...just doing my bit for society

But in other news:

* A team of microbiologists announced today they have discovered something they cannot identify. According to them, it is long and thin and smells like a tractor seat.

* A Swedish entomologist claims that common houseflies are highly intelligent and can be trained to fix umbrellas and dance in a circle.

and finally:

* Scientists in Switzerland announced today they have been able to make mice fart by holding them upside-down and tapping them on the stomach with a ballpoint pen.