I lost my job today.
Hence why im on here at 9.45 am.
Right before Xmas... Nice.
I dont really know what to do now. Im lacking motovation, will power and basicly any other emotion that should keep me going.
Now those little thoughts I used to get keep slipping back into my head: "Theres Paracetamol in the cupboard and vodka by your bed." "Or those stanley knife blades in your tool box?" "You do realise theres a rope in the garage, right? Just behind the lawnmower?" I know it sounds melodramatic, but thats really how im feeling. Nothing remotely good is happening to me.
My life seems to be a fuckin' comedy of errors. Is it just me or has nothing gone right for me? Did I break a mirror? Walk under a ladder? What!? If I believed in a God, Ild proberly have the distinct impression Ild pissed him off somehow and now he's up there laughing at me. I dont get it, have I been blinded so much by the bad things that the good things seem insignificant?
I dont know.
I dont care.
All I know is im depressed and there is no light at the end of the tunnel. The only people who say that are people who actully have something to live for. I know I might sound selfish and thats there millions of people worse off than me, so im sorry, but this is where my mind lies now.
Im really stuggling.
Ive gone past the point where I think 'that bad thing will blow over'. Now im just waiting for the next. Its the only thing that doesnt dissapoint because it will always come along.
I cant cope anymore.
************************************************
"Broken fingers are justice
For taking me for a ride
You left me so lonely
That's why Im standing here
Ripping my insides out
Ill see you running and you feel my hatred
This is the feeling I get every day
Ill throw the petrol and the matchstick
You stupid fuck you forgot to light it
I can see you hiding in the shadows
With all the fear and twisted pain
I hear you running cause your footsteps cry
You only ever talk when it's too late
The slight invasion of death you brought me
You'll never take me away
I used to love you but it's just no fun
Im ripping out my eyes, dispise
Take me away
Far away..."
ps. Sorry I havent been able to comment on everyone journal posts, I feel really bad about it because you've all been there for me so I promise I will catch up with you all.
pps. Ive put more pics up
x x x x x x x x x x x x x
Hence why im on here at 9.45 am.
Right before Xmas... Nice.
I dont really know what to do now. Im lacking motovation, will power and basicly any other emotion that should keep me going.
Now those little thoughts I used to get keep slipping back into my head: "Theres Paracetamol in the cupboard and vodka by your bed." "Or those stanley knife blades in your tool box?" "You do realise theres a rope in the garage, right? Just behind the lawnmower?" I know it sounds melodramatic, but thats really how im feeling. Nothing remotely good is happening to me.
My life seems to be a fuckin' comedy of errors. Is it just me or has nothing gone right for me? Did I break a mirror? Walk under a ladder? What!? If I believed in a God, Ild proberly have the distinct impression Ild pissed him off somehow and now he's up there laughing at me. I dont get it, have I been blinded so much by the bad things that the good things seem insignificant?
I dont know.
I dont care.
All I know is im depressed and there is no light at the end of the tunnel. The only people who say that are people who actully have something to live for. I know I might sound selfish and thats there millions of people worse off than me, so im sorry, but this is where my mind lies now.
Im really stuggling.
Ive gone past the point where I think 'that bad thing will blow over'. Now im just waiting for the next. Its the only thing that doesnt dissapoint because it will always come along.
I cant cope anymore.
************************************************
"Broken fingers are justice
For taking me for a ride
You left me so lonely
That's why Im standing here
Ripping my insides out
Ill see you running and you feel my hatred
This is the feeling I get every day
Ill throw the petrol and the matchstick
You stupid fuck you forgot to light it
I can see you hiding in the shadows
With all the fear and twisted pain
I hear you running cause your footsteps cry
You only ever talk when it's too late
The slight invasion of death you brought me
You'll never take me away
I used to love you but it's just no fun
Im ripping out my eyes, dispise
Take me away
Far away..."
ps. Sorry I havent been able to comment on everyone journal posts, I feel really bad about it because you've all been there for me so I promise I will catch up with you all.
pps. Ive put more pics up
x x x x x x x x x x x x x
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
kitts:
had a strange feeling that story might possibly cheer u up. and yeah it was for that, it was in a tiny little shop that sold like hoodies and clothes it would have been like 3 years ago hehe so it would seem that u have met me before then it must be fate 
anyways i will comin across to brum on saturday hopefully, fancy a drink if i do? i need a good night out!
had a strange feeling that story might possibly cheer u up. and yeah it was for that, it was in a tiny little shop that sold like hoodies and clothes it would have been like 3 years ago hehe so it would seem that u have met me before then it must be fate anyways i will comin across to brum on saturday hopefully, fancy a drink if i do? i need a good night out!
amberbreathing:
lol. Yeah, could be serious 
