after_monday

hey Charley I almost went crazy
after mario got busted
so I went back to omaha to
live with my folks
but everyone I used to know
was either dead or in prison
so I came back in minneapolis
this time I think I'm gonna stay.

Sup dudes? I am in minneapolis! I am hanging out with some old friends here. I was supposed to leave tonight but I really just can't bring myself to. I think I will spend a few more days here, tattoo some suckers and then make my way to Chicago for 2 weeks or so.

I kind of just left on a whim. I had psyched myself up for the trip a few days before and then just said, Fuck it. And I left obviously. The drives have been weird. I started south but then jutted east. I think I will be gone for about 3 months or so, heading back home just before christmas maybe. We will see where this trip takes me.

I had to leave everything behind this time. Usually I make sure Jsin won't burn the house down and that Salli and Louie know all my contact numbers and I make sure my mom is up on her meds. Not this time. It's about time I started caring about myself. I spend so much time taking care of everyone around me that I get left in my own dust. I feel a little selfish for it but I also feel free. How cliche. I know.

I have been doing a lot of thinking on the road. Jack rollin shotgun and i don't have a real care in the world. I might lose everything by the time I get back. I am prepared for that.

Jsin is shacking up with some cupcake girl from work. I hope they don't have sex on my bed. That would be gross. Maybe I will find some sweet dude on this trip. Maybe I will convince him to travel with me. We will sell shit to pay for gas and wear the same clothes for a few days. We will park in some weird rest stop that has free coffee and just watch dvds all day.

I forgot my camera. The one thing I wanted to bring since I haven't had it on any of my road trips. Maybe crappy cell phone pictures will suffice. Maybe my lovely words will be enough! Oh I can only hope.

Speaking of hope...

I lost hope in someone yesterday. I never felt that before. I am usually so cynical that I think everyone will eventually suck major ass. This one was different for me. I had hope that he would be as good as he made himself seem. I thought that maybe he wouldn't be so self involved. I faced the fact that he carried his baggage with him everywhere he went. Even his shoes were stuffed with negativity. I ain't down with that at all. I want good people in my life. I want someone who can say "fuck it" to a broken heart and keep goin strong. Someone who can put everything into someone with no regard to risk. Plus, I think I am too good for all that nonsense bizzo.

Not to say that this weekend was suckage at it's best. It wasn't.

There is someone out there that makes me smile no matter what. It is so weird how things happen. I think about this person and I am instantly happy. I dream of things that I never have before. Like being holed up in some shitty nyc apartment on a 7th floor walk up with nothing but us, a dog and cat and some dreams. I was so down for that. I think about it. I really do. Maybe it is just a dream, but it keeps me going.. That is what I need.

So, Minneapolis. I know dick about this town but I plan to find out what good it is by the time I leave. I plan to leave some kind of mark here. I plan to be remembered.

Just for one night even...