after_monday

Leave a secret, I will sweep it beneath the carpet, where you'll keep it. I just wish I was worth it to you.

Let's talk about me.
What to do you want to know?
Anything?
Okay.

I prefer overcast days to any lovely sunny day on this planet of ours. I read a magazine from back to front and feel weird doing otherwise. Perhaps I should have been born on another continent where things like that are normal. I sleep with one thin blanket because all my life I have been cold. Some odd subconscious thing tells me I don't deserve or need more than that. I would sleep on the floor if I wasn't trying to break old habits. I eat my food in order. Never things at different times. Vegetables usually go first followed by the protein. Anything with natural sugars I save for last. It's just the way I am.

I woke up today feeling like the same old woman/girl. Nothing was different. Same positions with the same responsibilities. No one next to me, me not wanting anyone to be there. Now a days I keep my heart anywhere but on my sleeve. I learned my lesson.

Until about 6pm. Everything changed in an instant. I can't say it was any one situation or reaction. For the first time in a long time , I felt wanted by someone who I wanted back. I felt that I could climb mountains just to see his face no matter what the weather. I was open to breaking my own heart. I would have played the part of a fool. I would have done anything. For one solid hour.

And then it all went away.
It's not gone. It's just not in the front of my mind.
Until my phone rings again, or I get something in a mailbox somewhere.
Until I think about it again.
I am lying though.
I am always thinking about it.
It thrills me.
It scares me.
Whatever.

The dishes are done man.


ps.

I am on the road y'all.