aficionado

It still appears as though there are some hard feelings concerning the end of our relationship. well. I just hope she separates the situation from the person. relationships are kind of a living thing in itself, y'know?? They just go on their merry way, doing their own thing, progressing through different stages, no matter how the people act. That's my theory anyway. agree? disagree? different take? don't care?

Perhaps a friendship could actually be salvaged, but I dont hold my breath for anything anymore.

The more I think about it the more I think I should go to Japan to teach conversational English to chillens. There's nothing for me here. Nearly all of the people whose lives I've tried to enter or re-enter responded with indifference and lack of interest. They have their own lives. There wouldn't be anyone I'd be leaving behind, and this is one of those things that are best to do when one is young.

I talked to Hannah, whos still bed-ridden, and told her how much I enjoyed the book she lent me, A Prayer for the Dying.

I briefly talked to Zarine, who was at a concert, and she told me shed call me back, which she still has yet to do.

I called up Jessica, an old girlfriend from way back with whom I have good relations, to see how she was doing and just to chat, but she was crying and couldnt talk. I wonder if her new boyfriend was breaking up with her? I highly doubt I'd want to rekindle anything, but I can't stress enough how much fun I think we'd have if we were actually have the chance to hang out.

I e-mailed Amy to apologize for possibly fucking up our friendship, say happy birthday, and to ask for some sort of closure. I have yet to get a response, but then again I dont think she checks her e-mail often. As unconventional as our friendship has been, I will be deeply hurt if she is no longer interested in being friends. or worse yet, I dont get any response at all.

I recently saw War of the World and to be honest it was better than I expected. Quite apocalyptic. One of my favorite things is the apocalypse.

A Prayer for the Dying, while taking place just after the Civil War, was quite apocalyptic in its own right. I highly recommend it.

One of the reasons I think I like apocalyptic art so much is that it forces us to look at ourselves when we imagine confronting the face of our impending doom. the face of oblivion. the face of death. who are we? what sacrifices are we willing to make? who are we truly? when conventional laws no longer apply? when all of the bullshit and luxuries are stripped away? WHO ARE WE?

Anyway, I leave with a four year old photo of myself that was originally a prospective senior picture and was vocally considered a good'n by a number of inidividuals, including me. It's just a nice picture, is all. I look much the same now except my hair is shorter, I usually wear glasses, and I don't wear quite as much hardware anymore:


Y'all have an enjoyable time celebrating the birthday of a tyrant.