I don't know what it is, but for some reason I am much more accepting of the fact that Krysten is turning towards girls than if she were turning towards, say, Frank. I guess if she were interested in another guy then I would feel inferior. And the fact that I can't change my sex means that all of this really could not have been my fault. I'm not saying it's hers. but I dunno. it just feels better. And who knows if she really IS turning towards girls. She says she is, but we'll just have to wait and see, eh? If I were female I'd be a lesbian, too. heh. Yeah that was a dumb joke.
I dunno.
As I've said many a time, I just don't want to be nothing. And apparently that's not going to happen. I'm not going to be nothing. That feels good. I don't want to be EVERYTHING, but I would like to be something. because she means something to me.
I still want affection, though. but I don't want it to hurt. heh. safe affection. is there any? And the only place I think I'll find affection anytime soon is with Zarine. but I don't want to USE her. She really IS smart and intelligent and worldly, she's a real character, but she has a promiscuous past and I also know that she's been obsessed with me since she was 13 yrs old. someone who actually fantasized about going down on me. I could probably easily exploit this. I don't know what to do. I'll probably end up chickening out anyway. Then again, Zarine isn't the kind of person to fall in love with anyone. She wants to enjoy her youth. I want to enjoy my youth. We both have had an attraction to each other. So I think we're both on the same page and know that if we did anything then it wouldn't mean love. Perhaps we should talk about it when she comes to the cities to visit next weekend. We kinda left things hanging, the two of us, since the last time we met.
I want to find myself, too. I want to enjoy my youth and have experiences. It's just that Krysten means a lot to me, girlfriend or not, and I want her to reciprocate those feelings. I don't want to let go for an extended period of time. but perhaps that's what is needed. -ache-
I dunno.
As I've said many a time, I just don't want to be nothing. And apparently that's not going to happen. I'm not going to be nothing. That feels good. I don't want to be EVERYTHING, but I would like to be something. because she means something to me.
I still want affection, though. but I don't want it to hurt. heh. safe affection. is there any? And the only place I think I'll find affection anytime soon is with Zarine. but I don't want to USE her. She really IS smart and intelligent and worldly, she's a real character, but she has a promiscuous past and I also know that she's been obsessed with me since she was 13 yrs old. someone who actually fantasized about going down on me. I could probably easily exploit this. I don't know what to do. I'll probably end up chickening out anyway. Then again, Zarine isn't the kind of person to fall in love with anyone. She wants to enjoy her youth. I want to enjoy my youth. We both have had an attraction to each other. So I think we're both on the same page and know that if we did anything then it wouldn't mean love. Perhaps we should talk about it when she comes to the cities to visit next weekend. We kinda left things hanging, the two of us, since the last time we met.
I want to find myself, too. I want to enjoy my youth and have experiences. It's just that Krysten means a lot to me, girlfriend or not, and I want her to reciprocate those feelings. I don't want to let go for an extended period of time. but perhaps that's what is needed. -ache-