aficionado

I just saw Crash and it was fucking amazing. Nothing's solved. I don't even know what to say about it. Just that it was amazing and I wouldn't mind owning that movie when it comes out on dvd.

I can't concentrate on reading because my mind wanders all over the place. I don't know what to do, and that's been one of my major problems for a long time. Do I starve the beast and hope for the best? Or do I just give more and more and come off as needy and pathetic? I'm getting no response because apparently she can only be obsessed with one person at a time.

FUCK. This would just be so much easier if I had people of my own. Do I travel to Duluth? Why the hell not. I need a connection. dammit. I have no one with whom to connect. There's only me and my thoughts in this house and that's not necessarily a good thing. My thoughts are not good company.

It's hard to give space as long as there is uncertainty. I want there to be a good grounding. I want there to be a good understanding and there really isn't one right now. Am I being phased out?? I need people to fucking tell me off because it's so damn easy to IGNORE someone. It takes fucking balls to tell someone off. I can't respect passivity. OH, but look who's talking. heh. Still, I'd rather have both of us confront the ugly truth together if that's how it's going to be and I'm not even in the least bit wanted.

Of course, I still don't know what to do.