aficionado

All I want to do is sleep so I don't have to deal with the reality of the waking world. The thing is that my reality really isn't all that harsh.

I guess the problem is that I am just alone and I don't know how to fill the time, since, y'know, there's nobody really for me to hang out with.

It's so fucking easy to request solitude if you know that there are people who are willing to be with you. In my case, where there is nobody other than myself, I can't help but feel utterly alone. If I'm ever feeling lonesome, there's nobody I can really call up to talk to or hang with. It's all me, baby. And while being by myself is nice sometimes, most of the time I just feel isolated from the world.

I guess it doesn't really matter anymore if we get back together. I still feel like things were left incomplete, and that's one of my major problems. One thing I'm really concerned about is the indifference and apathy she feels towards me. She quoted Elie Wiesel once, I can't remember what it was exactly, but it was something along the lines of "The opposite of life is not death, it's indifference." Well, I'm getting the vibe that all she feels toward me is indifference. And yeah, that don't feel too good. Recently Mr. F was pretty much ignoring her; I wonder how she felt about that. because I'm sure she was feeling the exact same thing I'm feeling.

I don't want to be EVERYTHING to her. I just don't want to be nothing.