Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

affy

Chicago Area

Member Since 2006

Followers 47 Following 65

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Sunday Jan 20, 2008

Jan 20, 2008
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
Rant. You've been warned.



I hate feeling alienated. Unfortunately it's not something that will go away. I am trying my best to stay positive and avoid things that aggravate me, but ideally I need space. I need to be closer to my boyfriend. I wish I had job experience outside of retail and dog related things, because I want nothing to do with either. I am passively looking for a new job, because while this one pays the rent (barely), I am not a dog fan and would be happy if I never saw another dog (outside of my own) for the rest of my life.

I'm just so confused. About everything. I don't know who my good friends are anymore, I don't know where I will be living a few months from now. I don't know what spec to stick with on my priest. I don't know how to get job experience doing office type things, when I have no money for college courses and my last 2 years of work experience only have to do with dogs or dildo's. Doesn't make for a great resume. I don't understand where people come off being upset at my work schedule, when the only time they wanted me around was when they could use me to benefit themselves.


I'm tired of people telling me that it's "only 2 bucks to take the bus! You have to have 2 dollars!" when they find out I walk to and from work most days. No, I can't afford 2 dollars. You don't get it. A box of macaroni and cheese is pricey to me. I couldn't even afford to get the person who bought me a plane ticket to california a thank you gift. I could barely afford the card I bought her. At work, I jokingly get made fun of for wearing the same sweatshirt everyday. I don't have another sweatshirt. Grey hoodie everyday it is! Affording winter clothes won't happen. By the time I would have the money for that I won't be living somewhere with normal winters. I'm limiting myself on how much shampoo I use because I can't get more for a while.

I feel like I am following down my mothers footsteps. You know when they tell you as you grow up, "You will see how we're alike when you get older, just wait and see." and shit like that? And you never believe it. You don't even believe you resemble them. Well it hit me. Bigtime. First I realized I am the spitting image of my mom. Scary enough. Then as I think about my life since being 17, and how it has been a constant financial struggle, and having to keep moving from place to place and pawning stuff just to get by, I realize I am already following her footsteps. And not by choice, for either of us. Can't afford anymore higher education, can't afford to get on top of things. Can't afford to take classes to get the jobs that will get things back on track. Is that all I have to look forward to? 50 years of wondering how I will feed myself and pay the bills? Wondering where I will live in a year? I don't want to continue not being able to afford healthcare I so desperately need, I want to be able to buy my dog her own food rather than getting leftovers from work for her. I want my own place with windows and a bathtub and no more bad credit. I want college, and I want a job where I am respected. If things going as they are, I just don't see that in my future.

My future. MY future. Why don't I feel like I have any control over that?
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
xfinitex:
I'm sorry things are so out of control. My sister lives in Chicago, and I know how insane it is to get around there. Drop me a line. We should talk more often.
In any case, cheer up lady.
Jan 21, 2008
xerxes:
Hang in there sweetie, I'm sure things will get better.

kiss
Jan 21, 2008

More Blogs

  • 11.10.07
    9

    Saturday Nov 10, 2007

    Sometimes I hate people. Okay, most of the time. Granted, I've been…
  • 11.03.07
    8

    Saturday Nov 03, 2007

    I'm at a point in my life where things feel too good to be true. Thi…
  • 10.26.07
    7

    Friday Oct 26, 2007

    Things have taken an absolutely amazing turn these past few days. …
  • 10.23.07
    8

    Wednesday Oct 24, 2007

    This is a rant. Consider yourself warned. I am completely insa…
  • 10.21.07
    6

    Monday Oct 22, 2007

    A conversation tonight opened my eyes. Since landing back in Cret…
  • 10.21.07
    1

    Sunday Oct 21, 2007

    meh?
  • 10.20.07
    5

    Sunday Oct 21, 2007

    Oh SGC, you never fail to entertain and enthrall me. Countdown to Ha…
  • 10.13.07
    5

    Saturday Oct 13, 2007

    Things sure do seem to get weirder and weirder the longer I am here. …
  • 10.09.07
    6

    Tuesday Oct 09, 2007

    Lets pretend for a minute that last blog didn't exist. I'm turned mys…
  • 10.03.07
    8

    Thursday Oct 04, 2007

    SGC is fucking awesome. That's all that needs to be said about that c…

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
9
months
6
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,593 SuicideGirls
  • 1,120,333 followers
  • 14,919,693 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,389,486 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo