affy

I astound myself. I understand moving to Arizona was a very sudden thing to do and probably not the best idea. At the time I felt like I had solid reasons to come here and start a new life. How come I couldn't have realized I was lying to myself before I went through with it?

There have been quite a few times I have been tempted to just throw my shit in my van and start driving back to Chicago. Ive never been so close as tonight. Tomorrow Im going to my landlord and finding out how much its going to suck to be me when I break the lease. Its not definite yet, but Im fairly positive Im not staying here.

I'm now able to add the term "frigid bitch" to the list of things that I have been called. He tells me Im a frigid bitch because we havent had sex in 4 days. Funny, 4 days ago I had a very serious surgery and I still cant talk or eat correctly from it. Excuse me for not feeling sexy when I look like a god damn chipmunk. (And really, 4 days? I mean, can't at least go a week before Im frigid?)

I could really go on a rant here, but Im done wasting my time over this. Its funny, the only thing Im really upset over is how he spent my birthday dinner money on a new monitor. So, my 20th birthday will be just like tonight was. Me sitting alone on my computer, with a bowl of rice and a glass of water at my side.