aeryn

In my hands a new sheet of paper-
PETITION FOR THE DISSOLUTION OF MARRIAGE

Today, I walked over to his new house. I tried to count the steps. Its only two blocks away, but truthfully it took me fifteen years to get there. But it gave me time to think.

I used to believe in wild love, that love could overcome obstacles. I used to be a hopeless romantic. But then I got hurt, horribly- I thought I would almost die a few times from it. So the next time, I chose something that was safe, nice, stable, and that almost became the death of me too. So much compromise for ease and so much caution for comfort, that I lost sight of fire and passion, and being able to really let go and fly.

I used to love jumping off things into water when I was child. I loved the long fall, the plunge, coming sputtering back up into the sunlight. Then I read a few stories about people being paralyzed and I no longer could stand on the edge without imagining all the rocks underneath. The thought became my own paralysis.

Now I know I have to be able to stand on the edge, hopefully holding hands with someone I love, and just jump. It will all sort itself at the bottom. Of that Im sure. And if in the long run there is no one to hold hands with, it will still be an incredible plunge.

Its wonderful to feel my legs slowly coming back to life as I reconnect the nerves I've deadened for so long