aeryn

I used to love pineapple upside down cake. When I was seven, my mother went through a phase when she was making them a lot. She would let me sit up on the counter and let me have the pan after she had turned the cake out of it. I would sit there and scrape the bottom until every last drop of gooey melted brown sugar was gone, while she did the dishes. When the cake was cool, Id always get the first piece.

When we started planning my eighth birthday, and she asked what kind of cake I wanted there was no hesitation on my part- I wanted her to make a home made pineapple upside down cake. That was the year that I also decided that I didnt want to have a birthday party. I just wanted to have my parents spend the day together with me.

I think that was the biggest present I have ever asked for or desired. At that point, my parents were still living in one house but a year into their divorce. I realize now they hated each other, and I am amazed they managed to be civil to each other for as long as they did that day. I can still remember how dry and sickening sweet the cake tasted in my mouth as the tension mounted and erupted around me, and how I couldnt swallow as I choked back the tears. I dont think Ive eaten it since then.

At the bakery at the end of the day yesterday, I looked to see if they had pineapple upside down cake. They never have it anywhere, but I felt I needed to eat a piece so I looked anyway. I wanted to be reminded of all those feelings from that birthday as my soon to be ex-husband and I spent the day together with our little girl on her birthday.