aeryn

A while ago I used to really worry about what people thought about my dogs when they came over. Were they too hairy? Too jumpy? Too friendly? Then I realized that if they didnt like my dogs, they probably wouldnt like me, and those people were instantly screened out of my life. Next I realized it was best to be as completely honest about myself to people as I can. I often say things; things, that Ive found a lot wont say. But once again, its a good screener for people who wont like me.

What Id like to change is my protection mechanism. I dont believe other people. They can tell me over and over how much they really do like me, and Im always waiting for them to walk away. For the proverbial other shoe to drop. I guess this allows me to be open and honest, but always to keep my guard up. Maybe I just imagine them hurting me so if they eventually do, it wont be painful. I dont know. But Im going to change this.

*have to add- do have close friends...I was thinking more of romantic relationships...and I'm not that bad, I do trust - eventually.