aeryn

Every moment

One chance

....Always

It was written on a painted hanging in the gift shop just inside the entrance to the Japanese Garden. I almost bought it thinking I would take it home, hang it in my office, possibly above my computer so I could be reminded. But something about the ink drawing that accompanied it seemed clumsy, and I wasnt sure that I would like to look at it for very long. So I memorized the words. Im worried now looking at them way from the tranquility of the garden that they have that horrible feel of a motivational poster often sold at management seminars that are supposed to be put up around the work place to inspire lazy, unmotivated, overworked workers into greater productivity. This possible interpretation makes me cringe. Im not seeking to up my output or inspire myself into a busy frenzy of work and deeds.

Tonight the girls opened the cabinet.

- Mommy look here are the candles we lit you were in the hospital when Ganny was dying. We lit them and sat in a circle with Boppy and said things we loved and remembered about her.

- Can we light candles tonight Mommyplease?

- No.

It is always there on my mind. No. Not now. Later.

Every moment

One chance

We lit the candles. They turned the lights down low. We sat near the candles for a moment. Then filled with youth they were up and dancing around the room, until shortly they ran away, on to the next moment. I sat and read near the flickering candle light, the sweet smell of wax mingling with their laughter drifting in from the other room. And for a moment, I loved my life wildly.

I need to have reminders like this.

...Always