aeryka

buh.....everyone is going back to school. honestly i wish i was too.

i wish i was getting ready for new classes. seeing friends that had been gone all summer. getting my new books. the smell of the hallways. the new pens and pencils. new roommates. the epic back to school parties and weekend of debauchery ahead of me. getting back into a routine after living freely for 3 months. it can be a welcome relief.

but im not. im still stuck in this lame ass part time job that a monkey could do. failing to find a funeral apprenticeship isnt making me feel any better about this right now. ive slightly considered going back to school but i know that i would be paying for it and i dont think i can risk adding to my debt. plus i have no idea what the fuck i would go for.

i have my wonderful complete blessing of a boyfriend, that eases my anxiousness. i had a moment the other night. i was out with my best friend of 20 years watching her man hunting. at first i felt like i missed having shots bought for me, flirting with or going home with someone new, laughing at a cute strangers jokes, everything that goes with being a single woman in a bar. then after many more drinks, her ex showing up to get angry about her potential suitors, and them arguing in spanish in the bar. i realized all i wanted was to go home and be with my man. curl around him and know he wont leave. know i dont have to wait for him to call me the next day, i dont have to wonder why he he ignored my calls when nothing seemed wrong with our night to me, i dont have to put myself out on a limb and teeter precariously above a pit of heartbreak and disappointment. i dont have to try and figure out who this number on my phone is, what was that guys name last night? am i hot enough for him? am i not his type? these things dont cross my mind anymore. and it feels pretty good. im secure. im loved. besides he buys me shots now.

so i dont know about anyone else but im very excited fall coming and halloween. the bf bought me a living dead doll that looks just like captain spaulding! how awesome! im thinking i wanna be a zombie nurse this halloween.

i hope everyone else is well. i might be a little blue right now but im pretty lucky to have who i have and be where i am. all in all its not bad.