aerokin

I have had a serious evaluation of my life in a long time because i haven't had a lot of deep meaningful discussions with people. I was hanging out with Cj the other day and we started talking about a lot of things that started to help me think and figure myself out.

I started to realize that I've been actually pretty down about the way I dress, like I'm unhappy with the way I look and not in reference to like my face or my body but..in fashion and such.

I used to dress different and dye my hair crazy and wear clothes that I thought were pretty and I thought were nice but everyone else thought it was ugly or weird ot crazy or "unprofessional".

I guess all in all I'm just tired of comforming and following things because it'll be easier for me. It's easier for me to look this way or act this way or not do this or that. But really its doing more damage than anything. I really feel like i've lost a part of myself and that I'm really not happy and I feel really pressured.

The worst part of it is that I could do these things and I know things would be alright like..it's not like someone would beat me up for how I look and my parents wouldn't disown me or something but the idea of disappointing someone or like feeling like i'm doing something wrong has fucked me up in the head enough to not really do these things anymore...it's a wall I'm going to have to break down. I need to work on being happier and making myself happy.