aenemated

seems everyone you love leaves eventually; somehow. for whatever reasons.

no, jess and i didn't break up. well, not really. but she's left town for a while. gone to stay with her mom about 3 hours away. she's been sick off and on for the last month and the goddamn doctors can't figure out what's wrong. so i don't know how long she'll be gone, she says till she gets better.

interesting dialogue before she left, though. we're laying in bed and she says to me

'can i have another chance?'

'uh -- whatcha mean?'

'to not fuck up.'

'uh -- whatcha mean?'

'this isn't me -- laying around, being sick, this isn't me. i feel like you don't know me because i haven't BEEN me.'

what could i say? at no point have i felt like she's fucked up. we've had a few little spats and what have you; comes with the territory. but things have been good, considering the circumstances.

kinda miss her. i don't much know what the deal is exactly. things seemed somewhat final as i dropped her off; but i'd like to think they're not.

oh well. guess i'll just keep living and if she comes back into my life; i'll be happy.

and i can hit on dia mercilessly at the party and not feel guilty! perfect!