aegiswings

Hallo everyone...
I never know how to start these journal entries. Especially when I don't have anything in particular to say.

Recently I've been thinking that if I was a good dancer all of my self-esteem problems would go away. This probably doesn't make sense. So listen. Dancing is about having rhythm, it's about coordination, and it's about being aware of your body and being able to move it how and when you want it to. But it's also about attitude and your appearance. Whatever you do, you have go out and be confident, because on the dance floor if you are unsure of yourself, it really shows. If you are the kind of person who comes off as shy, dorky, nerdy, geeky, awkward or creepy through your appearance or body language, it's only going to be magnified a dozen times on the dance floor. I've always been shy. I've always been somewhat awkward (though I am a million times better than I was in...say junior high). And I've never been a good dancer. Probably if I had a great self-esteem and I was popular, I wouldn't actually be a better dancer, but I would think I was so would it really matter? Or if I was a better dancer, and I went out there and I felt good about it, and people noticed, then I'd have a better self-esteem. See how they are intertwined?

When I first arrive at a club, I usually don't dance at all. I realize I'll probably make a better impression just sitting around as opposed to doing the white boy dance. The ironic thing is that after a few drinks, I am convinced that I can dance, and I do, even though logic says that alcohol would only slow my reflexes and inhibit my coordination. Perhaps there is some truth to the fact that alcohol "loosens you up". I also feel that alcohol makes me play the guitar better too, though that doesn't make any sense either (and I've been told that by sober guitar-playing friends).

So why do I dance? Well, I absolutely love it. I have such a great time. There is nothing better than dressing up and going out to a club and moving your body and letting the music wash over you. I like having other people around, but usually the emptier the dance floor the better. I've even been known to dance alone at home, by myself. I don't dance for other people! I don't dance to show off. I dance for myself and when I do, I am often in my own little world. It's probably why I have found myself hanging out in goth clubs. Goth dancing is introverted. It's dark and anti-social. Still, wouldn't it be nice if someday I could impress a woman with my dancing skillz?

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Tonight, I'm going to go see Chemlab at the Middle East in Cambridge. I'm probably gonna drag Sid along with me. I've spent most of my free time (um, well, actually time I should be working) reading about electronic music on the web (before I couldn't tell synthpop from electroclash from synthtron from new wave from futurepop.) I've learned a lot. For example, I can tell you that Chemlab are innovators in the coldwave genre of trance and that Combichrist (who I saw at ManRay last month) are considered futurepop.

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Question of the day: Would you date someone who said that their favorite ice-cream flavor was neopolitan? Discuss.