So I went to the bar, and Oh. My. God. did I drink. I haven't had a night that bad in so long. I saw the bartender and I acted like a total jack-ass. I don't want to go into how, I was just a total girl. Bye-bye bartender. I didn't want him anyway, not for anything long term.
The worst part of my night wasn't even him, it was when I was went home and decided I could not be at home, this was 2am, mind you. I got in my car and proceeded to drive around town calling random people looking for any signs of life. I found none. I went back home, realized I had stripped my bed of sheets, rolled up in my comforter and cried myself to sleep. Which took all of 30 seconds because of the booze.
Now I am awake, embarrassed and want to get to the nearest AA meeting. fucking alcohol, we have such a love/hate relationship. I am in one of those sort of surreal states where you feel like you are half dead, or wish you were.
Some days I am great, no worries. Life looks good. Others I am a complete lunatic and let everyone know it. I wish I could remember what it feels like to take a deep breath...
The worst part of my night wasn't even him, it was when I was went home and decided I could not be at home, this was 2am, mind you. I got in my car and proceeded to drive around town calling random people looking for any signs of life. I found none. I went back home, realized I had stripped my bed of sheets, rolled up in my comforter and cried myself to sleep. Which took all of 30 seconds because of the booze.
Now I am awake, embarrassed and want to get to the nearest AA meeting. fucking alcohol, we have such a love/hate relationship. I am in one of those sort of surreal states where you feel like you are half dead, or wish you were.
Some days I am great, no worries. Life looks good. Others I am a complete lunatic and let everyone know it. I wish I could remember what it feels like to take a deep breath...
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It sucks when you don't want to be at home, but you don't want to be out either. You don't know where or what or who you want to be. You just want...difference...distraction...change...something, anything. If you could only put your finger on it. I have those days, nights, weeks, months way too often. I hate it.
Something important.