This time last week, I was reeling from the emotional blow of a close friend and my girlfriend at the time having an affair. I felt betrayed and cheated. I went through a cavalcade of emotions as I let things get processed. It took me a while to understand things and make progress.
I went to see my psychologist and that was beneficial. I spoke to her for an hour and got down to some core beliefs that I doubt anyone could understand. It allowed me to let the guard down and let out deep below the surface.
My beliefs were poisonous. They still are. They are shaped by historical factors that I didn't think would have had the impact that they did. Essentially, it's emotional trauma. It sits so deep that you don't see it until it gets surfaced. In my case, it would surface and I was unaware that it had occurred. It permeated how I saw friendships and the friendships that I would attract. The same for relationships. Huge stuff that I wasn't aware of. The impact has been huge. Now I know it, I can rewire and do the hard work to be able to form healthy relationships. There will be a lot of hard work ahead as I face the pain and beliefs.
Strangely enough, it's a silver lining for me.
