Normally, I would never go to a spoken word performance or go to listen to a talk. It was an odd experience. I was concerned with whether I would be engaged. It was a performance that was truly amazing and inspiring.
I'll give a back story to all of this.
I had known of Henry Rollins from his music but was never an outright fan. I liked his music.
In the Australian summer of 2013, I had discovered this amazing site called zenpencils with illustrated quotes with the authors story and interpretation. I found a Henry Rollins quote which caught my attention. My mind was screaming at times to take a new path. I wouldn't let myself. I became interested in his works and I ordered a book from Amazon which was a condensed version of his previous works.
In February 2013, whilst managing a liquor store I was held up at knife point. I was traumatised by it. I switched to part time uni to compensate. During this time, the book arrived.
I would read it when I was catching the train to and from uni. I read it while I was getting help from my psych. Not during the sessions of course. What it taught me is that for all my strangeness, for all my depression, for how I had few friends, for how I didn't fit in.... I was okay. I didn't need to be like others and that helped during a time when I constantly felt scared.
When I heard he was coming to Australia, I bought a ticket. I left the show thinking to myself, he was right when he said he demanded an upgrade and to challenge my beliefs to became a new person. I have beliefs I am challenging and wanting to grow.
There's so much I have wanted to do but the way my mind was conditioned prevented it. Listening to Rollins, there is a lot I want to do. It isn't about fitting in anymore or having some group of friends. It's about doing things my way and not somebody else's. I'm yet to find my way but damned if I will live it according to someone else.
I used to have a quote about life. I used to have so many coming through high school as I tried to find a way to cope and to understand life. This one was an amalgamation of lyrics from a song by the Ataris.
Sometimes you gotta stop and remember, you're not gonna live forever. Think smart, have fun, stay true and just follow your heart.
It was like a philosophy for me. Now, it isn't. I woke up this morning and realised that I don't believe in it anymore. It doesn't fit.
It's time for an upgrade