admiral_pants

I told you there was more.

For everyone who asks how I'm doing, I'm getting along just fine, thanks.

For everyone who asks how the war's going, get off my back already. I'll get around to spanking the enemies of freedom and spreading democracy when I'm good and ready.

For everyone who asks what I'm doing, I sit in an office for 12 hours a day, waiting for things to break. At night, I watch bootlegged DVD compilations of TV shows, then take an hour or so to go quietly insane.

For everyone who promised to send me a Chia pet but hasn't, fuck all y'all. You ain't my baby's daddy.

For everyone who's secretly in love with me but just can't spit it out, it's just not the right time. I'm in a "me" place right now. You can still buy me presents, though.

I'm done. Get this microphone out of my face, asshole.