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Sounds like a plan to me.

I decided not to get drunk on a Friday night for a change. Used to be I would get silly and hyper and fun when I drank. Lately it seems like I get dangerously depressed and lonely. So, I decided I didn't wanna feel that way tonight. I still do a little, but not to the extreme like when I drink.

It feels like at some point in my life...within the last three years, I lost the ability to feel good and ok inside. Not even for any particular reason...it just....poof...evaporated from my soul. Maybe its part of getting older...maybe its the lack of excitement as everyone gets attached, moves on, or leaves town. I really don't know. Its been a long time since I smiled and felt it. Its been a long time since I have laughed and enjoyed it. Any true expression I am fumbling for just sounds cliche...but the fact is I simply do not feel "right" anymore...and I am not even sure I know where I belong.

Deep down I think it'll pass. Only thing that worries me is that time seems to be traveling like a train nowadays. I used to always think that happiness was just out of reach...and now it seems like its a galaxy away. I think it'll pass...but more than anythng I am afraid it won't.

Yah, I am an emotional guy. I know thats a big turn off to a lot of people...but honestly I don't really care. Its who I am. I am not afraid to face life...I just need to express myself as I do. I am not giving up. Guess I am simply looking for those social connection that seem so far away, And maybe a set of understanding eyes to refuel my soul. Everyone here just seems so empty and gone...