adia

Daily Confessionals to ones self:

I walked by myself in a cool evening looking down my gravel road
Eyes blackened with make-uped tears and lipstick smears
I think alot of things on nights as cool and quiet as these
I step away from myself hoping to see what one might see there thinking... " I don't see it and I wish I could"

I would love to hear what people see when they look at me
The honest truth of what they see there
Is my ego there?
Am I frightful to look at?

Could you withstand my ramblings and empty theories?
Are you confident you've got my number?
Have you drawn me to the "T"?
Wise to think I've merely chosen the #'s I wanted for you
Set the cards before you're eyes?

There's so many ways to define yourself in this day, this violent century
from the phychiatrist you sit with for a $100 a pop to the Quiz in the last Cosmo
Generations lacking all this great imagination
While being told we must conform
As we search to fit into at least one of these catagories our majoirity has supplied

So get the question "who are you?"
a)the Farmer
b)the Hunter
c)the Mother
d)the Lover
and you seem to be always reaching for the next choice e) Other...and then dread the following words in brackets (please specify)...

I'm not sure if I'm full of regret
Overwhelmed with happiness or frantic rage
my entorage of masks and paper plates follow me into my veiled and distant self
Do you see what number I'm holding now?
Sitting on the streets of Osborne &r Corydon, while pouting about things that don't going my way
"Freaks" stop and stare
their gazing leaves me with questions my mind will not share


I made a mistake
I smoke too much
I lied
I hurt someone
I think too much
I'm sad
I was inconsiderate
I feel no remorse

I desperately want to run away from all those people that run smack right into my body...
I think I've seen these humans running and tried to make a quick getaway but they always seem to catch me
and I always feel so trapped inside daunting questions and assumptions of what i have to do or what I feel I should be doing.
Were you there to see me when I was this free creature undivided by the things you try to take from me like my self security, my individuality, my eyes, myself...?

My care remains a permanence for the people in my life, each in their own way
I wonder who will stand the test of time and who will fade like cheap curtains in some sleazy no star hotel...

~aDia~