***hey gang i need everyone to do me a favor. a friend of mine's husband just got shipped off to Iraq. He will be possibly for a year.***
I want to start off today with this little rant i call "ode to a telemarketer."
it's 9 am the phone rings
I open my eyes a little
could this be a friend in need?
i spring out of bed
caller unknown?!?!?
ah fuck it's them again
"bastards!" i yell
I just went to sleep.
an hour later the phone chimes again
i groan out of bed
sumabitch, i yell
as i stub my toe
i get to the phone but silence
goddamnsonsawhores
dieeveryfuckingoneof yuns
this number i recognise
from the previous fifteen times they've called
and never been on the line.
back to bed i trod.
pissiness begun
an hour and a half
must've had a smoke break
quiffy fuckers,
ring ring rise and spit fire.
what the fuck do you want?
oh hey hun how's it hangin'?
what? oh... telemarketers again
bastards!
yeah i'll be home for your lunch break
sure i'll be the one in bed, naked, trying to sleep.
right love you too bye.
five minutes ring
mother......god damnit!
no i don't want to fucking switch my phone service. and fuck DSL!!! what i want ya little perv is to get some god damn fucking sleep!!!! now FUCK OFF!!!!
too bad noones there.....damn auto dialers
Fuck It i'm up.....grrrrrrr if that phone rings one more....
*ring ring*
AAAAAHHHHHHHHH DIE COMMIE PIG!!!!!......*...*...
hi mom....sorry telemarketers won't stop callin' nah i'm alright just tired. yeah i know i should be sleepin'
what? no i got plans for lunch already. well i guess you could meet us here....sure alright see ya then.
fuck me who'd i piss off last week
and why the hell won't the damn phone stop ringing?
blood shot eyes stare at a blank TV screen
i need weed. and rum
rum and weed. fuck no weed
but i got the CAP'N!!!!
one ringy dingy.....
i slowly look at the phone
two ringy dingies....
i squint shooting daggers from my eyes
three ringy dingies.....
shit
four five six ringy dingies......
damnit go away.
seven eight nine ringy dingies
ah for shit sake. hello? oh hey i'd love to game tonight, but i gotta work
and this piece of shit phone won't stop ringing.
can you call back later?
I want to start off today with this little rant i call "ode to a telemarketer."
it's 9 am the phone rings
I open my eyes a little
could this be a friend in need?
i spring out of bed
caller unknown?!?!?
ah fuck it's them again
"bastards!" i yell
I just went to sleep.
an hour later the phone chimes again
i groan out of bed
sumabitch, i yell
as i stub my toe
i get to the phone but silence
goddamnsonsawhores
dieeveryfuckingoneof yuns
this number i recognise
from the previous fifteen times they've called
and never been on the line.
back to bed i trod.
pissiness begun
an hour and a half
must've had a smoke break
quiffy fuckers,
ring ring rise and spit fire.
what the fuck do you want?
oh hey hun how's it hangin'?
what? oh... telemarketers again
bastards!
yeah i'll be home for your lunch break
sure i'll be the one in bed, naked, trying to sleep.
right love you too bye.
five minutes ring
mother......god damnit!
no i don't want to fucking switch my phone service. and fuck DSL!!! what i want ya little perv is to get some god damn fucking sleep!!!! now FUCK OFF!!!!
too bad noones there.....damn auto dialers
Fuck It i'm up.....grrrrrrr if that phone rings one more....
*ring ring*
AAAAAHHHHHHHHH DIE COMMIE PIG!!!!!......*...*...
hi mom....sorry telemarketers won't stop callin' nah i'm alright just tired. yeah i know i should be sleepin'
what? no i got plans for lunch already. well i guess you could meet us here....sure alright see ya then.
fuck me who'd i piss off last week
and why the hell won't the damn phone stop ringing?
blood shot eyes stare at a blank TV screen
i need weed. and rum
rum and weed. fuck no weed
but i got the CAP'N!!!!
one ringy dingy.....
i slowly look at the phone
two ringy dingies....
i squint shooting daggers from my eyes
three ringy dingies.....
shit
four five six ringy dingies......
damnit go away.
seven eight nine ringy dingies
ah for shit sake. hello? oh hey i'd love to game tonight, but i gotta work
and this piece of shit phone won't stop ringing.
can you call back later?
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
devil_bitch:
That sucks about your friends husband. As for the telemarketers...That is what caller id and answering machines are for 
belladea:
I mostly sold to Williamsburg VA. I did Branson for a while.